Rosalie Cullens Wedding What Really Happened !
by TheTwilightPixie
Summary: this is a very funny story about rosalie cullens wedding day it is out ragoues. flower man, the muppetts, sesame street, jane & emmetts wedding :S JASPER NO CURLY BOBS ! DISNEY LAND KIDNAPING .. and most of all SQEEZING EMMETTS .... arms :O KERMIT...GAY!
1. Part 1,2,3

Rosalie And Emmett's Wedding

**Intro : Ooh from now on my intro's or little mid comments will be in bold. Ok this story is set in the 1900's before Bella and all the trouble **_**she **_**caused. Everything is VERY chaotic. Rosalie wants everything perfect and its being held in the forest. There a few parts. And I will explain all of them like this. **

**Part.1. ****DRESSING ROSALIE CULLEN. **

**Intro : yes yet another intro. How many can you get but any who. Alice and Rosalie are in the big dressing room. Alice is still making up Rosalie's dress 2 hours before the wedding and this is how it went.**

Rosalie : Hurry Up !!!! Aw

"Alice sticks pin in rosalies leg"

Rosalie : AWWWWWWWWWWW

Alice : your made of stone. The pin itself is blunt WHY ARE YOU AWWIN.

Rosalie : I thought you were meant to be fast ???

Alice : I MAY BE SMALL BUT I AM POWERFULL

Rosalie : FOR THE LOVE OF BLOOD JUST DRESS ME YOU LITTLE MIDGET THING

Alice : I'm not small. I'm just not tall

Rosalie : Awwwwwwwww

Alice : I didn't even touch you !

Rosalie : JUST HURRY UP ! You still have my hair and all to do

Alice : WELL IF I HAD MORE NOTICE MAYBE EVERYTHING WOULD BE IN ORDER

Rosalie : What ? 27 hours not enough for you ?

Alice : Well not when your working with a BLONDIE BRAT !

Rosalie : You know what ?

Alice : What ?

Rosalie : with that hair do. You look like an electrocuted kitten.

"Alice jabs full needle into Rosalie's ankle"

Rosalie : OWWWWWWWWWW OWWWW OMG

Alice : Frozen kitten that !. Crap

Rosalie : What's crap ?

Alice : the needles lost in your frozen ankle .

Rosalie : OOOH hurry up for the love of --

Alice : THERE IM DONE YOU…. FREAK !

"Rosalie turns to look in the long mirror at a long strapless, diamond lovely gown"

Alice : well…….

Rosalie : I -

Alice : yes

Rosalie : well I -

Alice : SAY IT !

Rosalie : I hate it so much I want to hit it so hard with my frozen guts and feed it to Jacob.

Alice : well. I feel like I could dress you in a black plastic bag, tie your stupid flawless hands and push you down that aisle and have _me _looking the prettiest

Rosalie : Alice, no matter how hard you try you are always going to look your kitten mad self

"Alice goes down stairs. Gets a plastic bag. Takes the dress of Rosalie dresses her a black plastc bag and ties her to a chair."

Rosalie : let me go !!

Alice : WEAR MY DRESS

Rosalie : ID RATHER WEAR KNITTED VOMIT !

Alice : take can be arranged. NOW I WILL DO YOUR HAIR

Rosalie : KEEP THE FLICK MACHINE TO YOURSELF NOW

" Alice starts curling rose's hair"

Alice : ever feel sad you have a fanny spilt hair

Rosalie : WHAT !

Alice : your hair . Is fanny spilt and waxed.

Rosalie : EVER FEEL SAD PEOPLE LOOK FOR OPEN WIRES WHEN THEY SEE _YOUR_ HAIR

" Alice finishes Rosalie's hair at super speed"

Alice : Dumb blonde they even froze your brain

Rosalie : I AM NOT DUMB

Alice : Ok so what's the capital of Washington ?

Rosalie : Emmm "W"

Alice : Ooh yea

Alice : I don't know what Emmett see's in you I really, really don't.

Rosalie : well I don't know how Jasper even _see's_ you with all his curly bob's

Alice : WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY… ABOUT MY LOVERS CURLY BOBS

Rosalie : Hmmm nothing.

Alice : Yeah.. Ok your done

"Rosalie looks in mirror at her in the plastic bag with her own set of curly bob's"

Rosalie : FINE. Ill wear the dress

Alice : YEY !

Rosalie : don't get over exited you might fart a spark

"Alice puts rose in dress and add's her shoes"

Alice : Ok ill just get the flowers and were good to go

Rosalie : you ordered red and blue roses right

Alice : yes

Rosalie : roses

Alice : yes

Rosalie : Red

Alice : yes

Rosalie : And blue

Alice : if I have to make it anymore clearer YES !

" A flower man knocks on the door"

Alice : Come in

Flower Man : I have some white tulips for Alice Cullen

Alice : Tulips

Rosalie : Tulips

Rosalie : white

Alice : White tulips

Rosalie : Tulips

Flower Man : NO IM ONLY MESSIN .. Bluebells YES TULIPS !

Rosalie : OOH god

Alice : I ORDERED ROSES

Flower Man : And………….

Alice : I think your being very rude. So if you don't mind you bitch. GET ME MY ROSES

Rosalie : THIS IS NOT HAPPING

Flower Man : Look Kitten Girl I ----

" Jasper storms into room with evil eyes against Flower Man"

Jasper : seems you have a problem Mr………..em… FLOWER MAN!

Flower Man : not t'all I was just… em… I… … and… I

Jasper : YOU WANNA RUN… NOW. APOLOGIZE TO _KITTEN GIRL_ AND BRING ME BACK 200 RED ROSES & 200 BLUE ROSES FREE OF CHARGE.. BITCH !

Flower : Actually I have roses in the van. Ill get them now

Jasper : RUN !

Jasper : Rosalie you look…… great love the curly bobs

Rosalie : as do I

Alice : Rosalie will you call out that list for me so I can see if every things checked.

Rosalie : Sure

Rosalie : ok. Frozen Rosalie ice sculpture ?

Alice : Check

Jasper : I thought that was a waste of money. Like _you_ could have just stood there.

Rosalie : White diamond gazebo and flower arrange ?

Alice : Check

Rosalie : A "blondes are the best" banner

Alice : check

Rosalie : A " Rose is the shit" banner

Alice : check

Rosalie : cow, deer, elk and mountain lion blood serving ?

Alice : check

Rosalie : hair/dress/make-up done ?

Alice : Check

Rosalie : and last but not least ---

" Edward storms into room"

Rosalie : excuse me bronzey I'm in the middle of a list

Rosalie : anyway. Last but not least.. Emmett ?

Alice : OOH no.

Rosalie : WHERE'S MY EMMETT ???

Edward : that's why I have come I'm afraid that something has happened

Rosalie: WHAT ! IS ! IT !

Edward : well.. Kermit the frog out of the muppets he and Aro came to Emmett and Emmett decided to leap after Kermit to America and we don't know where he is now.

Rosalie : EMMETT !

Alice : ARO !

Jasper : wait . Kermit the frog.

Rosalie : IF THAT BUFF HUNKY GOLDEN EYED IMBOSILE DOESN'T GET HIS FROZEN BEHIND BACK NOW THIS MINUTE OOH I SWEAR THERE WILL BE SEROIUS CONSIQUENCES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Alice : Edward, what happened ?

**Part.2. ****WHAT HAPPENED TO EMMETT WHEN KERMIT THE FROG AND ARO CAME **

**Yes people yet another intro. This is what happened to Emmett whist Rosalie was getting dressed in black plastic bags.**

**this is set in Edwards room with Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper & Edward. Edward like Alice is jabbing pins into Emmett's legs. Yes Edward is quite the designer. **

Emmett : jeez Edward 12 hours and still no criss cross pattern. Im ashamed

Edward : DAMN YOU. YOU TROUSERS YOU WILL DO CRISSY CROSSYS

Carlisle : so people what songs do you want playing today ?

Edward : Tina Turner

Jasper : of course

Emmett : Tom Jones ?

Carlisle : Queen ?

Emmett :do you HAVE to do cross stitch ??

Edward : IF YOU WANT TO BE PRETTIFULL

Emmett : fine.

Jasper : So Carlisle, who's coming to this _wedding _then

Carlisle : well everyone. The Irish girls-

Emmett : ooh were so drunk

Carlisle : rain forest people, Tanya

Edward : OOH NO

Carlisle : Kate.. And you know the rest. Ooh we have 2 new guests. Aro and he said he's bringing a special _friend_

Edward : who ?

Carlisle : god only knows

Emmett : can I just say. That you's REALLY know how to throw a stag night

Edward : OOH EDWARD GET OVER IT. So what a glass of wine, mountain lion blood and titanic isn't a good stag night ?

Emmett : NOT WHEN YOUR FATHER AND TWO BROTHERS CRY TEARLESS SOBS

Edward : how can you not cry. You must have a heart of stone

Emmett : ACTUALLY…. YA

Carlisle : Is that _KERMIT THE FROG !_

Edward : KERMIE THE FROGGEY !

Emmett : ELMO !!

Carlisle : what ??

Emmett : HA Aro is married to Kermit the frog !

Edward : Lucky B*****d

" Aro and Kermit fly into the bedroom"

Aro : my brothers. How are you

Kermit : wow. They sparkle

Aro : yes. We do

Carlisle : ARO WHY DOES KERMIT KNOW WERE VAMIPIRES

Aro : he's a part of the Volturi

Edward : how come ??

Aro : He's my……………….. Lover

Carlisle : That's…………. great

Edward : yes great… congrats

Kermit : were getting married next November

Emmett : HAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA OOH FROZEN LAUGHS FROZEN LAUGHS OOH HA HE HA. WHOS WEARING THE DRESS !

Edward : EMMETT !….. don't be so rude of course Aro's wearing it. Kermit's not that gay

Aro : OOH OFFENISE TAKIN !!OMG CHEEK OF SOME PEOPLE. EMMETT YOUR OFFICALY ON MY DEATH LIST !

" Aro pulls out sribelly list"

**Aro's Death List :**

**Mrs. Piggy - because shes in love with my man **

**Marylin Monroe- hate her mole**

**Jane-bullies me **

**Forrest Gump-I HATE THE WAY HE SAYS MOMMA **

**Dracula-scares me **

**EMMETT !!!-made fun of me **

Emmett : Oh im soooo scared your going to send sesame street after me

Kermit : MUPPETTS actually

Aro : WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU.. And your big impressive biceps

Emmett : DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MEE

Aro : No

Edward : NOT what your thinking

Kermit, Emmett : What _is _he thinking ??

Edwa_rd : _he wants to strap him down and kiss his biceps one by one and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

" Emmett runs to Aro. Hits him a slap and throws him out the window"

Kermit : Emmett you do reliase what ypu hav just on.

Emmett : what ?

Kermit : well Aro is jane's bitch so that means that jane is his pimp. Which means when you mess with a bitch the pim comes after you. Which means Janes gonna burn the brain off you.

Emmett : SHIT. WELL NOT IF NO ONE TELLS HER

Kermit : well seems as your biceps ruined my relationship I will

" kermit fly's out the window to tell jane"

Emmett : OOH HE IS SO DEAD !

" emmett flys out window to kill Kermit the Frog"

Jasper : I smell rude flower man

Carlisle : Ask him for daisy's lol

Edward : doe's no one reliaze like Emmett is gone.

Jasper : And…………..

**Part 3 What Happened When Emmett Went To kill Kermit The Frog **

**If you want me to continue this story please comment. Just give honest opioun good/bad . Thanks **


	2. part 3,4,5,6,7,

Rosalie And Emmett's Wedding

**Intro : Ooh from now on my intro's or little mid comments will be in bold. Ok this story is set in the 1900's before Bella and all the trouble **_**she **_**caused. Everything is VERY chaotic. Rosalie wants everything perfect and its being held in the forest. There a few parts. And I will explain all of them like this. **

**Part.1. ****DRESSING ROSALIE CULLEN. **

**Intro : yes yet another intro. How many can you get but any who. Alice and Rosalie are in the big dressing room. Alice is still making up Rosalie's dress 2 hours before the wedding and this is how it went.**

Rosalie : Hurry Up !!!! Aw

"Alice sticks pin in rosalies leg"

Rosalie : AWWWWWWWWWWW

Alice : your made of stone. The pin itself is blunt WHY ARE YOU AWWIN.

Rosalie : I thought you were meant to be fast ???

Alice : I MAY BE SMALL BUT I AM POWERFULL

Rosalie : FOR THE LOVE OF BLOOD JUST DRESS ME YOU LITTLE MIDGET THING

Alice : I'm not small. I'm just not tall

Rosalie : Awwwwwwwww

Alice : I didn't even touch you !

Rosalie : JUST HURRY UP ! You still have my hair and all to do

Alice : WELL IF I HAD MORE NOTICE MAYBE EVERYTHING WOULD BE IN ORDER

Rosalie : What ? 27 hours not enough for you ?

Alice : Well not when your working with a BLONDIE BRAT !

Rosalie : You know what ?

Alice : What ?

Rosalie : with that hair do. You look like an electrocuted kitten.

"Alice jabs full needle into Rosalie's ankle"

Rosalie : OWWWWWWWWWW OWWWW OMG

Alice : Frozen kitten that !. Crap

Rosalie : What's crap ?

Alice : the needles lost in your frozen ankle .

Rosalie : OOOH hurry up for the love of --

Alice : THERE IM DONE YOU…. FREAK !

"Rosalie turns to look in the long mirror at a long strapless, diamond lovely gown"

Alice : well…….

Rosalie : I -

Alice : yes

Rosalie : well I -

Alice : SAY IT !

Rosalie : I hate it so much I want to hit it so hard with my frozen guts and feed it to Jacob.

Alice : well. I feel like I could dress you in a black plastic bag, tie your stupid flawless hands and push you down that aisle and have _me _looking the prettiest

Rosalie : Alice, no matter how hard you try you are always going to look your kitten mad self

"Alice goes down stairs. Gets a plastic bag. Takes the dress of Rosalie dresses her a black plastc bag and ties her to a chair."

Rosalie : let me go !!

Alice : WEAR MY DRESS

Rosalie : ID RATHER WEAR KNITTED VOMIT !

Alice : take can be arranged. NOW I WILL DO YOUR HAIR

Rosalie : KEEP THE FLICK MACHINE TO YOURSELF NOW

" Alice starts curling rose's hair"

Alice : ever feel sad you have a fanny spilt hair

Rosalie : WHAT !

Alice : your hair . Is fanny spilt and waxed.

Rosalie : EVER FEEL SAD PEOPLE LOOK FOR OPEN WIRES WHEN THEY SEE _YOUR_ HAIR

" Alice finishes Rosalie's hair at super speed"

Alice : Dumb blonde they even froze your brain

Rosalie : I AM NOT DUMB

Alice : Ok so what's the capital of Washington ?

Rosalie : Emmm "W"

Alice : Ooh yea

Alice : I don't know what Emmett see's in you I really, really don't.

Rosalie : well I don't know how Jasper even _see's_ you with all his curly bob's

Alice : WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY… ABOUT MY LOVERS CURLY BOBS

Rosalie : Hmmm nothing.

Alice : Yeah.. Ok your done

"Rosalie looks in mirror at her in the plastic bag with her own set of curly bob's"

Rosalie : FINE. Ill wear the dress

Alice : YEY !

Rosalie : don't get over exited you might fart a spark

"Alice puts rose in dress and add's her shoes"

Alice : Ok ill just get the flowers and were good to go

Rosalie : you ordered red and blue roses right

Alice : yes

Rosalie : roses

Alice : yes

Rosalie : Red

Alice : yes

Rosalie : And blue

Alice : if I have to make it anymore clearer YES !

" A flower man knocks on the door"

Alice : Come in

Flower Man : I have some white tulips for Alice Cullen

Alice : Tulips

Rosalie : Tulips

Rosalie : white

Alice : White tulips

Rosalie : Tulips

Flower Man : NO IM ONLY MESSIN .. Bluebells YES TULIPS !

Rosalie : OOH god

Alice : I ORDERED ROSES

Flower Man : And………….

Alice : I think your being very rude. So if you don't mind you bitch. GET ME MY ROSES

Rosalie : THIS IS NOT HAPPING

Flower Man : Look Kitten Girl I ----

" Jasper storms into room with evil eyes against Flower Man"

Jasper : seems you have a problem Mr………..em… FLOWER MAN!

Flower Man : not t'all I was just… em… I… … and… I

Jasper : YOU WANNA RUN… NOW. APOLOGIZE TO _KITTEN GIRL_ AND BRING ME BACK 200 RED ROSES & 200 BLUE ROSES FREE OF CHARGE.. BITCH !

Flower : Actually I have roses in the van. Ill get them now

Jasper : RUN !

Jasper : Rosalie you look…… great love the curly bobs

Rosalie : as do I

Alice : Rosalie will you call out that list for me so I can see if every things checked.

Rosalie : Sure

Rosalie : ok. Frozen Rosalie ice sculpture ?

Alice : Check

Jasper : I thought that was a waste of money. Like _you_ could have just stood there.

Rosalie : White diamond gazebo and flower arrange ?

Alice : Check

Rosalie : A "blondes are the best" banner

Alice : check

Rosalie : A " Rose is the shit" banner

Alice : check

Rosalie : cow, deer, elk and mountain lion blood serving ?

Alice : check

Rosalie : hair/dress/make-up done ?

Alice : Check

Rosalie : and last but not least ---

" Edward storms into room"

Rosalie : excuse me bronzey I'm in the middle of a list

Rosalie : anyway. Last but not least.. Emmett ?

Alice : OOH no.

Rosalie : WHERE'S MY EMMETT ???

Edward : that's why I have come I'm afraid that something has happened

Rosalie: WHAT ! IS ! IT !

Edward : well.. Kermit the frog out of the muppets he and Aro came to Emmett and Emmett decided to leap after Kermit to America and we don't know where he is now.

Rosalie : EMMETT !

Alice : ARO !

Jasper : wait . Kermit the frog.

Rosalie : IF THAT BUFF HUNKY GOLDEN EYED IMBOSILE DOESN'T GET HIS FROZEN BEHIND BACK NOW THIS MINUTE OOH I SWEAR THERE WILL BE SEROIUS CONSIQUENCES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Alice : Edward, what happened ?

**Part.2. ****WHAT HAPPENED TO EMMETT WHEN KERMIT THE FROG AND ARO CAME **

**Yes people yet another intro. This is what happened to Emmett whist Rosalie was getting dressed in black plastic bags.**

**this is set in Edwards room with Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper & Edward. Edward like Alice is jabbing pins into Emmett's legs. Yes Edward is quite the designer. **

Emmett : jeez Edward 12 hours and still no criss cross pattern. Im ashamed

Edward : DAMN YOU. YOU TROUSERS YOU WILL DO CRISSY CROSSYS

Carlisle : so people what songs do you want playing today ?

Edward : Tina Turner

Jasper : of course

Emmett : Tom Jones ?

Carlisle : Queen ?

Emmett :do you HAVE to do cross stitch ??

Edward : IF YOU WANT TO BE PRETTIFULL

Emmett : fine.

Jasper : So Carlisle, who's coming to this _wedding _then

Carlisle : well everyone. The Irish girls-

Emmett : ooh were so drunk

Carlisle : rain forest people, Tanya

Edward : OOH NO

Carlisle : Kate.. And you know the rest. Ooh we have 2 new guests. Aro and he said he's bringing a special _friend_

Edward : who ?

Carlisle : god only knows

Emmett : can I just say. That you's REALLY know how to throw a stag night

Edward : OOH EDWARD GET OVER IT. So what a glass of wine, mountain lion blood and titanic isn't a good stag night ?

Emmett : NOT WHEN YOUR FATHER AND TWO BROTHERS CRY TEARLESS SOBS

Edward : how can you not cry. You must have a heart of stone

Emmett : ACTUALLY…. YA

Carlisle : Is that _KERMIT THE FROG !_

Edward : KERMIE THE FROGGEY !

Emmett : ELMO !!

Carlisle : what ??

Emmett : HA Aro is married to Kermit the frog !

Edward : Lucky B*****d

" Aro and Kermit fly into the bedroom"

Aro : my brothers. How are you

Kermit : wow. They sparkle

Aro : yes. We do

Carlisle : ARO WHY DOES KERMIT KNOW WERE VAMIPIRES

Aro : he's a part of the Volturi

Edward : how come ??

Aro : He's my……………….. Lover

Carlisle : That's…………. great

Edward : yes great… congrats

Kermit : were getting married next November

Emmett : HAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA OOH FROZEN LAUGHS FROZEN LAUGHS OOH HA HE HA. WHOS WEARING THE DRESS !

Edward : EMMETT !….. don't be so rude of course Aro's wearing it. Kermit's not that gay

Aro : OOH OFFENISE TAKIN !!OMG CHEEK OF SOME PEOPLE. EMMETT YOUR OFFICALY ON MY DEATH LIST !

" Aro pulls out sribelly list"

**Aro's Death List :**

**Mrs. Piggy - because shes in love with my man **

**Marylin Monroe- hate her mole**

**Jane-bullies me **

**Forrest Gump-I HATE THE WAY HE SAYS MOMMA **

**Dracula-scares me **

**EMMETT !!!-made fun of me **

Emmett : Oh im soooo scared your going to send sesame street after me

Kermit : MUPPETTS actually

Aro : WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU.. And your big impressive biceps

Emmett : DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MEE

Aro : No

Edward : NOT what your thinking

Kermit, Emmett : What _is _he thinking ??

Edwa_rd : _he wants to strap him down and kiss his biceps one by one and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

" Emmett runs to Aro. Hits him a slap and throws him out the window"

Kermit : Emmett you do reliase what ypu hav just on.

Emmett : what ?

Kermit : well Aro is jane's bitch so that means that jane is his pimp. Which means when you mess with a bitch the pim comes after you. Which means Janes gonna burn the brain off you.

Emmett : SHIT. WELL NOT IF NO ONE TELLS HER

Kermit : well seems as your biceps ruined my relationship I will

" kermit fly's out the window to tell jane"

Emmett : OOH HE IS SO DEAD !

" emmett flys out window to kill Kermit the Frog"

Jasper : I smell rude flower man

Carlisle : Ask him for daisy's lol

Edward : doe's no one reliaze like Emmett is gone.

Jasper : And…………..

**Part 3 What Happened When Emmett Went To kill Kermit The Frog   
Intro  
Omg yes another intro. Thanks your comments/reviews I am now still continuing Rosalie's Wedding. Thank you to those who kept me going.  
Ok this is set in the forest outside the Cullens house in Forks ( lol spoons) and Kermit the frog is running away from Emmett to try to get to Italy to tell Jane. Now everything is not always that simple. ( well not in my stories) well Emmetts half done trousers are slowly ripping and he forgot to wear undie's and Kermit the frog I singing the show tune together again by the muppetts. Now lets begin.**

Emmett : AHH my slowly ripping trousers revialing my SEXY buttock SOMEONE GET A NEEDLE !!!!!!!!!  
Kermit : will you just go home.  
Emmett : what and let you get my brains burned ??  
Emmett swings from tree  
Trousers : rip !  
Kermit : You stole my lover from me !  
Emmett : YOUR STEALING MY WEDDING FROM ME  
Kermit : your marring a bitch  
Emmett : A SEXY ONE.  
Kermit : are you saying my Aro is not sexy ??  
Emmett : Ooh let me think.. Elvis style blonde hair. Dresses in knitted rugs or should I say cloaks and carries lip balm in his rug pocket and uses mascara.. Hmmm.. If gay = sexy well he would be the SEX !  
Kermit runs raster through the forest  
Kermit : OOH NO YOU DIDN'T !  
Emmett : yes bitch I …. why I think I did !  
Kermit : DON'T EVEN GO THERE !!!!!!!!!  
Emmett : Don't go there ??…. I've been there. Took some pictures and came back already  
Kermit : Well you're a…a…..  
Emmett : A ???????  
Kermit : a big buff bastard.  
Emmett : OOH stop !! Your insults are killing me

**9 hours of chasing passed and then they reliased that they were at Volltura were the volturi. Jane is spotted watering her plants in the garden when a half naked Emmett and a green Kermit fly down. **

Jane : DAMN YOU TULLIP YOU WILL WATER !! GRRRR GROW BITCH  
"_jane burns the plant and it blows up into a little spark"  
_Jane: You will respect me !  
Jane : What the  
Kermit : JANE !  
Emmett : NOOOOOOO  
Kermit : JANE !  
Emmett : NOOOOOOO  
Kermit : JANE !  
Emmett : NOOOOOOO  
Kermit: I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jane : What  
Kermit : Emmett's -  
Jane : Yes  
Emmett : NO  
Kermit : Emmett's -  
Emmett : I'm-  
Kermit : HE'S ---  
Emmett: I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU !  
Jane : WHAT !  
Kermit : WHAT  
Emmett : WAIT WHAT !  
Jane : Emmett I don't -  
Kermit : HE'S LYING I  
Jane : shut up !  
Kermit : But !!  
" Kermit blows up into a million different sparks" "RIP Kermit"  
Jane : Why I…..  
Emmett : Look I was only --  
Jane : I LOVE YOU TO  
Emmett : what  
Jane : I was did. Just I thought you were taking  
Emmett : I am I really------  
Jane : Well its ok we can be together we can get married and live happy every after for eternity  
Emmett : NOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO  
Jane : Im sorry did you just……. REJECT ME ??  
Emmett : I don't love you  
Jane : OOH YOUR SOO DEAD  
Rosalie steps into the garden glaring terribly at Jane.  
Jane : Rosalie I well  
Rosalie : YOU SHUT UP AND SIT YOUR FROZEN ASS ON THE GRASS YOU LITTLE FOOL !  
Emmett : Rose -  
Rosalie : YOU TOO..  
Emmett : OK !  
Rosalie : emm. Jane correct me if I'm wrong but the last little few word you said to MY emmett. Did they invole his death ?  
Jane : Well  
Rosalie : DID THEY ????????????????????

**Part 4 THE BIG BIG BITCH FIGHT ROSALIE VS JANE ! FOR EMMETT.  
Intro : OK THIS IS THE ROCKY MATCH THE WORL CHAMPION THIS IS ROSALIE VS JANE IN A BITCH FIGHT OMG I CANT EVEN RIGHT AN INTRO. When people found out that there was a bitch fight on everyone came. ALL the volturi and there wives. And all the cullens.  
**Felix : KICK HER ASS JANE !  
Jasper : Ohh you wanna ear flick you little wimp  
Felix : Ooh yeah your curly bobs IM SOO SCARED OF !  
Jasper : OOH YEAH WELL YOU HAVE A NAME OF A CAT  
Felix : you have the face of a SPA  
Alice : IM SORRY WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY…. PUSSY WUSSY CAT  
Carlisle : Alice, Jasper. Lets not waste our time  
Demetri: YEAH YOU BETTER NOT BECAUSE WE WILL BOOT YOU AROUND  
Carlisle : Ooh please.. Ooh im soo scared.  
Edward : THEY SHOULD BE ! Rosalie's going to kick Jane up down and around.  
Markus : Ooh please. Jane bullies us. Rosalie is like an insect to her. Not movements all buzz buzz buzz.  
Edward : YOU SHUT UP YOU MIDGET ! WITH BLACK HAIR  
Markus : You shut up… tall and bronzey.  
Some Man : OK EVERYONE GOT THERE SEATS IN THE GARDEN  
Everyone : YES  
Some Man : Well Let the bitching begin  
Esme : You can do it Rose !  
" Emmett takes a seat and Jane stands up to face Rosalie"  
Rosalie : So.. Tell me why your not a full vampire ?  
Jane : I am a full vampire  
Rosalie : Well full vampires are meant to be some sort of pretty. Your just.. Odd  
Jane : Ooh I'm odd. Your such a dumb blonde  
Rosalie : PROVE IT  
Jane : WHATS THE CAPITAL OF WASHINGTON  
Rosalie : W !  
Jane : WELL DONE !  
Carlisle : what ?  
Rosalie : Look Emmett's my husband, my sex bomb, my EVERYTHING and I'm marring him in 3 hours time. And you will go back to watering your plants and I will go back to my wedding.  
Jane : Emmett. He doesn't love you he loves ME !!!!!!  
Rosalie : DO NOT SAY THAT YOU LITTLE WEIRDO FREAK  
Jane : Emmett ?  
Emmett : sorry I don't love you  
Jane : BUT YOU SAID  
Rosalie : wait he SAID !  
Edward : you said ?  
Carlisle : HE SAID !  
Esme : what Emmett ! YOU SAID  
Alice : wait. What he say ?  
Jasper : something about sweeping brushes  
Alice : of course  
Emmett : I, well what I said I --  
Rosalie : YOU SAID IT  
Edward : SAID IT  
Carlisle : HE SAID IT  
Esme : EMMETT ! SAID ! IT!  
Alice : Jeez people nowadays are very protective of sweeping brushes  
Jasper : seems to be.  
Rosalie : OOH YOU ARE SO DEAD YOU BIG STUPID DOPE OF A JACKASSING PIG OF A ASSHOLE ! WEDDING OFF  
Emmett : But rose I -  
Rosalie : SHUT THE HELL UP !  
Emmett : ok  
Rosalie : AND AS FOR YOU !!!!!!!!!!  
"Rosalie points (scaringly) at Jane"  
Edward : Ooh its soooo on  
Carlisle : hehe  
Alice : what's this about  
Jasper : mops…  
Esme : KICK HER ASS ROSE  
Rosalie : you. You stupid little midget you deserve to be pulled apart toe by toe , finger by finger using a pliers !  
Rosalie : I DON'T CARE WHO SAID WHAT YOU LITTLE MIDGET ! YOUR GINGER ! STUPID ! MOP OF A SWEEPING BRUSH!  
Jane : But I-  
**" _Rosalie leaps and starts killing Jane. Fiercely. Aro then tells Jane telepathically what to do… Jane hears and this is what happens"_  
**Jane : Owwww my foo- OWWWWW  
Rosalie : STUID LITTLE -- LITE A FIRE EMMETT !  
Emmett : will do  
Jane : you know Rosalie. You are the most beautiful vampire I have ever known  
Rosalie : you mean. pretty  
Jane : HAHA its working.  
Rosalie : what ?  
Jane : SO SO SO PRETTY and blonde  
_Rosalie stops fighting  
_Rosalie : And. And . Blonde  
Jane : THE BLONDEST  
Rosalie : what are you doing in 1.30 hours ?  
Jane : Nothing. Well the usual. Burning weeds, watering flowers, hoping, waiting on my true love, watching Dr. Phil and -  
Rosalie : TODAY . Not life story.  
Jane : Ooh. Nothing  
Rosalie : how about being my maid of honor ?  
Edward : WHAT SHE SAY ?  
Emmett : WHAT SHE JUST ! WHAT  
Carlisle : JANE ! WHAT !  
Esme : WHAT !  
Alice : did I miss something ? I was admiring my spikes  
Jasper : Ooh.. Emm. Sponges  
Alice : Of course

**PART 5 . Wait what ? NO BITCH FIGHT ! MAID OF HONOUR. Well that's what Rosalie thinks hehe ( evil laugh )  
Intro : well there are so many intro's to this thing like I may aswell call the call thing intro. Ok the big moment. What happens when Jane goes to the wedding ? Will kermit return ? Will Emmett stay naked ? This takes places in the wedding venue/forest thing.  
**  
Alice : I WAS REPLACED !  
Rosalie : I'm sorry. But Jane. Well Jane fits my style  
Alice : Rosalie your dressed in a curtain  
Rosalie : a pretty curtain !  
Jane : Not as pretty as you  
Rosalie : yes. I might just marry you.  
waiting.  
Rosalie : Ok Carlisle  
" Rosalie takes Carlisle's arm and they stroll down the aisle"  
Choir : Dum, dum, dum dum dum. Dum dum dum dum. Dum dum da dum dum da dum dum dum.  
Rosalie whispers to Carlisle : I didn't ask for that song  
Carlisle : ooh yes.  
Carlisle : Sorry. Choir track two please.  
Choir : the moment I wake up, before I put on my make up. I say a little prayer for you. While combing my hair now, wondering what dress to were now I say a little prayer for you.  
The cullens and guests and choir : FOREVER AND EVER YOU'LL STAY IN MY HEART AND I WILL LOVE YOU FORVER AND EVER WE WILL NEVER OF PART BECAUSE I LOVE TOGETER FOREVER WE NEVER WILL LEAVE. It will only be heart break for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!  
Carlisle : love that song  
Rosalie : As do I.  
**"_Carlisle and Rosalie walk the long walk to the top of the aisle to find that EMMETT, ALICE AND JANE ARE MISSING"_**

**PART 6 OMG WHAT HAS HAPPENED EMMETT AND ALICE KIDNAPPED BY JANE ! WILL ROSALIE GET MARRIED WILL THE CHOIR FINSH THE SONG WILL ALICE DIE ! WILL - EM WAIT the length of this title this should be an intro. NO WAIT NO INTRO'S ! that's it people I am removing intro's. Ok wait I cant.  
Intro : danm intros. this is set back in Edwards bedroom. Jane is talking to Emmett when Alice comes in. ooh thiis is what was happening when Rosalie was getting ready to walk down the aisle.**

Jane : Ok so you really do love Rosalie  
Emmett : Don't f*****g start again.  
Jane : just give me three reasons not me  
Emmett : ok you're a ginge, your very evil, and you burn plants.  
Jane : Ooh your soo lucky I don't burn you right now  
Emmett : yeah yeah.. Ooh help me put on my socks and lets get this done  
Jane : Fine.. Leg up  
**" Alice barges in"  
**Alice : OMG  
Jane, Emmett : What ?  
Alice : I FORSAW  
Emmett : Alice we can only "what" so many times  
Alice : true. I just like to make an entrance  
Jane : clearly  
Alice : ok I foresaw us been kidnapped.  
Jane ; HA by who ?  
Alice : little small puppets. I cant see their face's though  
Emmett : why ??  
Alice : because they are wearing Santa Clause masks!  
Emmett : THAT'S INSANE  
Alice : I KNOW  
Emmett : WHY ! WHY SANTA CLAUSE MASKS ITS JULY  
Alice : THAT'S MY POINT !!  
Alice : no. wait its not.  
Jane : OMFG !  
" _just at that moment little puppets with santa clause mask run in and gas them. HOW DO THEY GAS THEM ! I hear you ask. Put this isn't normal gas. ITS FREEZER GAS. FOR FROZEN THINGS HENCE VAMPIRES !. WHERE CAN YOU GET THIS FREEZER GAS ?? I hear you scream. Well you cant I just made it up there. I'm very sorry"  
_Alice : AHHHHH FROZEN GAS  
Emmett : OMG I NO THAT DUDE  
Jane : SANTA ISNT REAL YOU FOOL  
Emmett : no I know them skinny green legs ! I no them skinny green hands. ITS KERMIT THE FROG ! AND THE MUPPETTS !!!!!!**  
**_" now if everyone can imagine BIG ! BOMBING ! LOUD ! EVIL MUSIC! That goes.. DIN DIN DIN !!!"_

**What will happen when Kermit kidnaps them. Will Rosalie save the day. Will kermit tell Jane about the pimp/bitch situation !!! WILL EMMETT DIE ! WILL SOMEONE SHUT ME UP ! DIN ! DIN ! DIN !**

** TO BE CONTINUED….. **


	3. part 7,8,9

Rosalie And Emmett's Wedding

**Intro : Ooh from now on my intro's or little mid comments will be in bold. Ok this story is set in the 1900's before Bella and all the trouble **_**she **_**caused. Everything is VERY chaotic. Rosalie wants everything perfect and its being held in the forest. There a few parts. And I will explain all of them like this. **

**Part.1. ****DRESSING ROSALIE CULLEN. **

**Intro : yes yet another intro. How many can you get but any who. Alice and Rosalie are in the big dressing room. Alice is still making up Rosalie's dress 2 hours before the wedding and this is how it went.**

Rosalie : Hurry Up !!!! Aw

"Alice sticks pin in rosalies leg"

Rosalie : AWWWWWWWWWWW

Alice : your made of stone. The pin itself is blunt WHY ARE YOU AWWIN.

Rosalie : I thought you were meant to be fast ???

Alice : I MAY BE SMALL BUT I AM POWERFULL

Rosalie : FOR THE LOVE OF BLOOD JUST DRESS ME YOU LITTLE MIDGET THING

Alice : I'm not small. I'm just not tall

Rosalie : Awwwwwwwww

Alice : I didn't even touch you !

Rosalie : JUST HURRY UP ! You still have my hair and all to do

Alice : WELL IF I HAD MORE NOTICE MAYBE EVERYTHING WOULD BE IN ORDER

Rosalie : What ? 27 hours not enough for you ?

Alice : Well not when your working with a BLONDIE BRAT !

Rosalie : You know what ?

Alice : What ?

Rosalie : with that hair do. You look like an electrocuted kitten.

"Alice jabs full needle into Rosalie's ankle"

Rosalie : OWWWWWWWWWW OWWWW OMG

Alice : Frozen kitten that !. Crap

Rosalie : What's crap ?

Alice : the needles lost in your frozen ankle .

Rosalie : OOOH hurry up for the love of --

Alice : THERE IM DONE YOU…. FREAK !

"Rosalie turns to look in the long mirror at a long strapless, diamond lovely gown"

Alice : well…….

Rosalie : I -

Alice : yes

Rosalie : well I -

Alice : SAY IT !

Rosalie : I hate it so much I want to hit it so hard with my frozen guts and feed it to Jacob.

Alice : well. I feel like I could dress you in a black plastic bag, tie your stupid flawless hands and push you down that aisle and have _me _looking the prettiest

Rosalie : Alice, no matter how hard you try you are always going to look your kitten mad self

"Alice goes down stairs. Gets a plastic bag. Takes the dress of Rosalie dresses her a black plastc bag and ties her to a chair."

Rosalie : let me go !!

Alice : WEAR MY DRESS

Rosalie : ID RATHER WEAR KNITTED VOMIT !

Alice : take can be arranged. NOW I WILL DO YOUR HAIR

Rosalie : KEEP THE FLICK MACHINE TO YOURSELF NOW

" Alice starts curling rose's hair"

Alice : ever feel sad you have a fanny spilt hair

Rosalie : WHAT !

Alice : your hair . Is fanny spilt and waxed.

Rosalie : EVER FEEL SAD PEOPLE LOOK FOR OPEN WIRES WHEN THEY SEE _YOUR_ HAIR

" Alice finishes Rosalie's hair at super speed"

Alice : Dumb blonde they even froze your brain

Rosalie : I AM NOT DUMB

Alice : Ok so what's the capital of Washington ?

Rosalie : Emmm "W"

Alice : Ooh yea

Alice : I don't know what Emmett see's in you I really, really don't.

Rosalie : well I don't know how Jasper even _see's_ you with all his curly bob's

Alice : WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY… ABOUT MY LOVERS CURLY BOBS

Rosalie : Hmmm nothing.

Alice : Yeah.. Ok your done

"Rosalie looks in mirror at her in the plastic bag with her own set of curly bob's"

Rosalie : FINE. Ill wear the dress

Alice : YEY !

Rosalie : don't get over exited you might fart a spark

"Alice puts rose in dress and add's her shoes"

Alice : Ok ill just get the flowers and were good to go

Rosalie : you ordered red and blue roses right

Alice : yes

Rosalie : roses

Alice : yes

Rosalie : Red

Alice : yes

Rosalie : And blue

Alice : if I have to make it anymore clearer YES !

" A flower man knocks on the door"

Alice : Come in

Flower Man : I have some white tulips for Alice Cullen

Alice : Tulips

Rosalie : Tulips

Rosalie : white

Alice : White tulips

Rosalie : Tulips

Flower Man : NO IM ONLY MESSIN .. Bluebells YES TULIPS !

Rosalie : OOH god

Alice : I ORDERED ROSES

Flower Man : And………….

Alice : I think your being very rude. So if you don't mind you bitch. GET ME MY ROSES

Rosalie : THIS IS NOT HAPPING

Flower Man : Look Kitten Girl I ----

" Jasper storms into room with evil eyes against Flower Man"

Jasper : seems you have a problem Mr………..em… FLOWER MAN!

Flower Man : not t'all I was just… em… I… … and… I

Jasper : YOU WANNA RUN… NOW. APOLOGIZE TO _KITTEN GIRL_ AND BRING ME BACK 200 RED ROSES & 200 BLUE ROSES FREE OF CHARGE.. BITCH !

Flower : Actually I have roses in the van. Ill get them now

Jasper : RUN !

Jasper : Rosalie you look…… great love the curly bobs

Rosalie : as do I

Alice : Rosalie will you call out that list for me so I can see if every things checked.

Rosalie : Sure

Rosalie : ok. Frozen Rosalie ice sculpture ?

Alice : Check

Jasper : I thought that was a waste of money. Like _you_ could have just stood there.

Rosalie : White diamond gazebo and flower arrange ?

Alice : Check

Rosalie : A "blondes are the best" banner

Alice : check

Rosalie : A " Rose is the shit" banner

Alice : check

Rosalie : cow, deer, elk and mountain lion blood serving ?

Alice : check

Rosalie : hair/dress/make-up done ?

Alice : Check

Rosalie : and last but not least ---

" Edward storms into room"

Rosalie : excuse me bronzey I'm in the middle of a list

Rosalie : anyway. Last but not least.. Emmett ?

Alice : OOH no.

Rosalie : WHERE'S MY EMMETT ???

Edward : that's why I have come I'm afraid that something has happened

Rosalie: WHAT ! IS ! IT !

Edward : well.. Kermit the frog out of the muppets he and Aro came to Emmett and Emmett decided to leap after Kermit to America and we don't know where he is now.

Rosalie : EMMETT !

Alice : ARO !

Jasper : wait . Kermit the frog.

Rosalie : IF THAT BUFF HUNKY GOLDEN EYED IMBOSILE DOESN'T GET HIS FROZEN BEHIND BACK NOW THIS MINUTE OOH I SWEAR THERE WILL BE SEROIUS CONSIQUENCES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Alice : Edward, what happened ?

**Part.2. ****WHAT HAPPENED TO EMMETT WHEN KERMIT THE FROG AND ARO CAME **

**Yes people yet another intro. This is what happened to Emmett whist Rosalie was getting dressed in black plastic bags.**

**this is set in Edwards room with Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper & Edward. Edward like Alice is jabbing pins into Emmett's legs. Yes Edward is quite the designer. **

Emmett : jeez Edward 12 hours and still no criss cross pattern. Im ashamed

Edward : DAMN YOU. YOU TROUSERS YOU WILL DO CRISSY CROSSYS

Carlisle : so people what songs do you want playing today ?

Edward : Tina Turner

Jasper : of course

Emmett : Tom Jones ?

Carlisle : Queen ?

Emmett :do you HAVE to do cross stitch ??

Edward : IF YOU WANT TO BE PRETTIFULL

Emmett : fine.

Jasper : So Carlisle, who's coming to this _wedding _then

Carlisle : well everyone. The Irish girls-

Emmett : ooh were so drunk

Carlisle : rain forest people, Tanya

Edward : OOH NO

Carlisle : Kate.. And you know the rest. Ooh we have 2 new guests. Aro and he said he's bringing a special _friend_

Edward : who ?

Carlisle : god only knows

Emmett : can I just say. That you's REALLY know how to throw a stag night

Edward : OOH EDWARD GET OVER IT. So what a glass of wine, mountain lion blood and titanic isn't a good stag night ?

Emmett : NOT WHEN YOUR FATHER AND TWO BROTHERS CRY TEARLESS SOBS

Edward : how can you not cry. You must have a heart of stone

Emmett : ACTUALLY…. YA

Carlisle : Is that _KERMIT THE FROG !_

Edward : KERMIE THE FROGGEY !

Emmett : ELMO !!

Carlisle : what ??

Emmett : HA Aro is married to Kermit the frog !

Edward : Lucky B*****d

" Aro and Kermit fly into the bedroom"

Aro : my brothers. How are you

Kermit : wow. They sparkle

Aro : yes. We do

Carlisle : ARO WHY DOES KERMIT KNOW WERE VAMIPIRES

Aro : he's a part of the Volturi

Edward : how come ??

Aro : He's my……………….. Lover

Carlisle : That's…………. great

Edward : yes great… congrats

Kermit : were getting married next November

Emmett : HAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA OOH FROZEN LAUGHS FROZEN LAUGHS OOH HA HE HA. WHOS WEARING THE DRESS !

Edward : EMMETT !….. don't be so rude of course Aro's wearing it. Kermit's not that gay

Aro : OOH OFFENISE TAKIN !!OMG CHEEK OF SOME PEOPLE. EMMETT YOUR OFFICALY ON MY DEATH LIST !

" Aro pulls out sribelly list"

**Aro's Death List :**

**Mrs. Piggy - because shes in love with my man **

**Marylin Monroe- hate her mole**

**Jane-bullies me **

**Forrest Gump-I HATE THE WAY HE SAYS MOMMA **

**Dracula-scares me **

**EMMETT !!!-made fun of me **

Emmett : Oh im soooo scared your going to send sesame street after me

Kermit : MUPPETTS actually

Aro : WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU.. And your big impressive biceps

Emmett : DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MEE

Aro : No

Edward : NOT what your thinking

Kermit, Emmett : What _is _he thinking ??

Edwa_rd : _he wants to strap him down and kiss his biceps one by one and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

" Emmett runs to Aro. Hits him a slap and throws him out the window"

Kermit : Emmett you do reliase what ypu hav just on.

Emmett : what ?

Kermit : well Aro is jane's bitch so that means that jane is his pimp. Which means when you mess with a bitch the pim comes after you. Which means Janes gonna burn the brain off you.

Emmett : SHIT. WELL NOT IF NO ONE TELLS HER

Kermit : well seems as your biceps ruined my relationship I will

" kermit fly's out the window to tell jane"

Emmett : OOH HE IS SO DEAD !

" emmett flys out window to kill Kermit the Frog"

Jasper : I smell rude flower man

Carlisle : Ask him for daisy's lol

Edward : doe's no one reliaze like Emmett is gone.

Jasper : And…………..

**Part 3 What Happened When Emmett Went To kill Kermit The Frog   
Intro  
Omg yes another intro. Thanks your comments/reviews I am now still continuing Rosalie's Wedding. Thank you to those who kept me going.  
Ok this is set in the forest outside the Cullens house in Forks ( lol spoons) and Kermit the frog is running away from Emmett to try to get to Italy to tell Jane. Now everything is not always that simple. ( well not in my stories) well Emmetts half done trousers are slowly ripping and he forgot to wear undie's and Kermit the frog I singing the show tune together again by the muppetts. Now lets begin.**

Emmett : AHH my slowly ripping trousers revialing my SEXY buttock SOMEONE GET A NEEDLE !!!!!!!!!  
Kermit : will you just go home.  
Emmett : what and let you get my brains burned ??  
Emmett swings from tree  
Trousers : rip !  
Kermit : You stole my lover from me !  
Emmett : YOUR STEALING MY WEDDING FROM ME  
Kermit : your marring a bitch  
Emmett : A SEXY ONE.  
Kermit : are you saying my Aro is not sexy ??  
Emmett : Ooh let me think.. Elvis style blonde hair. Dresses in knitted rugs or should I say cloaks and carries lip balm in his rug pocket and uses mascara.. Hmmm.. If gay = sexy well he would be the SEX !  
Kermit runs raster through the forest  
Kermit : OOH NO YOU DIDN'T !  
Emmett : yes bitch I …. why I think I did !  
Kermit : DON'T EVEN GO THERE !!!!!!!!!  
Emmett : Don't go there ??…. I've been there. Took some pictures and came back already  
Kermit : Well you're a…a…..  
Emmett : A ???????  
Kermit : a big buff bastard.  
Emmett : OOH stop !! Your insults are killing me

**9 hours of chasing passed and then they reliased that they were at Volltura were the volturi. Jane is spotted watering her plants in the garden when a half naked Emmett and a green Kermit fly down. **

Jane : DAMN YOU TULLIP YOU WILL WATER !! GRRRR GROW BITCH  
"_jane burns the plant and it blows up into a little spark"  
_Jane: You will respect me !  
Jane : What the  
Kermit : JANE !  
Emmett : NOOOOOOO  
Kermit : JANE !  
Emmett : NOOOOOOO  
Kermit : JANE !  
Emmett : NOOOOOOO  
Kermit: I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jane : What  
Kermit : Emmett's -  
Jane : Yes  
Emmett : NO  
Kermit : Emmett's -  
Emmett : I'm-  
Kermit : HE'S ---  
Emmett: I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU !  
Jane : WHAT !  
Kermit : WHAT  
Emmett : WAIT WHAT !  
Jane : Emmett I don't -  
Kermit : HE'S LYING I  
Jane : shut up !  
Kermit : But !!  
" Kermit blows up into a million different sparks" "RIP Kermit"  
Jane : Why I…..  
Emmett : Look I was only --  
Jane : I LOVE YOU TO  
Emmett : what  
Jane : I was did. Just I thought you were taking  
Emmett : I am I really------  
Jane : Well its ok we can be together we can get married and live happy every after for eternity  
Emmett : NOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO  
Jane : Im sorry did you just……. REJECT ME ??  
Emmett : I don't love you  
Jane : OOH YOUR SOO DEAD  
Rosalie steps into the garden glaring terribly at Jane.  
Jane : Rosalie I well  
Rosalie : YOU SHUT UP AND SIT YOUR FROZEN ASS ON THE GRASS YOU LITTLE FOOL !  
Emmett : Rose -  
Rosalie : YOU TOO..  
Emmett : OK !  
Rosalie : emm. Jane correct me if I'm wrong but the last little few word you said to MY emmett. Did they invole his death ?  
Jane : Well  
Rosalie : DID THEY ????????????????????

**Part 4 THE BIG BIG BITCH FIGHT ROSALIE VS JANE ! FOR EMMETT.  
Intro : OK THIS IS THE ROCKY MATCH THE WORL CHAMPION THIS IS ROSALIE VS JANE IN A BITCH FIGHT OMG I CANT EVEN RIGHT AN INTRO. When people found out that there was a bitch fight on everyone came. ALL the volturi and there wives. And all the cullens.  
**Felix : KICK HER ASS JANE !  
Jasper : Ohh you wanna ear flick you little wimp  
Felix : Ooh yeah your curly bobs IM SOO SCARED OF !  
Jasper : OOH YEAH WELL YOU HAVE A NAME OF A CAT  
Felix : you have the face of a SPA  
Alice : IM SORRY WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY…. PUSSY WUSSY CAT  
Carlisle : Alice, Jasper. Lets not waste our time  
Demetri: YEAH YOU BETTER NOT BECAUSE WE WILL BOOT YOU AROUND  
Carlisle : Ooh please.. Ooh im soo scared.  
Edward : THEY SHOULD BE ! Rosalie's going to kick Jane up down and around.  
Markus : Ooh please. Jane bullies us. Rosalie is like an insect to her. Not movements all buzz buzz buzz.  
Edward : YOU SHUT UP YOU MIDGET ! WITH BLACK HAIR  
Markus : You shut up… tall and bronzey.  
Some Man : OK EVERYONE GOT THERE SEATS IN THE GARDEN  
Everyone : YES  
Some Man : Well Let the bitching begin  
Esme : You can do it Rose !  
" Emmett takes a seat and Jane stands up to face Rosalie"  
Rosalie : So.. Tell me why your not a full vampire ?  
Jane : I am a full vampire  
Rosalie : Well full vampires are meant to be some sort of pretty. Your just.. Odd  
Jane : Ooh I'm odd. Your such a dumb blonde  
Rosalie : PROVE IT  
Jane : WHATS THE CAPITAL OF WASHINGTON  
Rosalie : W !  
Jane : WELL DONE !  
Carlisle : what ?  
Rosalie : Look Emmett's my husband, my sex bomb, my EVERYTHING and I'm marring him in 3 hours time. And you will go back to watering your plants and I will go back to my wedding.  
Jane : Emmett. He doesn't love you he loves ME !!!!!!  
Rosalie : DO NOT SAY THAT YOU LITTLE WEIRDO FREAK  
Jane : Emmett ?  
Emmett : sorry I don't love you  
Jane : BUT YOU SAID  
Rosalie : wait he SAID !  
Edward : you said ?  
Carlisle : HE SAID !  
Esme : what Emmett ! YOU SAID  
Alice : wait. What he say ?  
Jasper : something about sweeping brushes  
Alice : of course  
Emmett : I, well what I said I --  
Rosalie : YOU SAID IT  
Edward : SAID IT  
Carlisle : HE SAID IT  
Esme : EMMETT ! SAID ! IT!  
Alice : Jeez people nowadays are very protective of sweeping brushes  
Jasper : seems to be.  
Rosalie : OOH YOU ARE SO DEAD YOU BIG STUPID DOPE OF A JACKASSING PIG OF A ASSHOLE ! WEDDING OFF  
Emmett : But rose I -  
Rosalie : SHUT THE HELL UP !  
Emmett : ok  
Rosalie : AND AS FOR YOU !!!!!!!!!!  
"Rosalie points (scaringly) at Jane"  
Edward : Ooh its soooo on  
Carlisle : hehe  
Alice : what's this about  
Jasper : mops…  
Esme : KICK HER ASS ROSE  
Rosalie : you. You stupid little midget you deserve to be pulled apart toe by toe , finger by finger using a pliers !  
Rosalie : I DON'T CARE WHO SAID WHAT YOU LITTLE MIDGET ! YOUR GINGER ! STUPID ! MOP OF A SWEEPING BRUSH!  
Jane : But I-  
**" _Rosalie leaps and starts killing Jane. Fiercely. Aro then tells Jane telepathically what to do… Jane hears and this is what happens"_  
**Jane : Owwww my foo- OWWWWW  
Rosalie : STUID LITTLE -- LITE A FIRE EMMETT !  
Emmett : will do  
Jane : you know Rosalie. You are the most beautiful vampire I have ever known  
Rosalie : you mean. pretty  
Jane : HAHA its working.  
Rosalie : what ?  
Jane : SO SO SO PRETTY and blonde  
_Rosalie stops fighting  
_Rosalie : And. And . Blonde  
Jane : THE BLONDEST  
Rosalie : what are you doing in 1.30 hours ?  
Jane : Nothing. Well the usual. Burning weeds, watering flowers, hoping, waiting on my true love, watching Dr. Phil and -  
Rosalie : TODAY . Not life story.  
Jane : Ooh. Nothing  
Rosalie : how about being my maid of honor ?  
Edward : WHAT SHE SAY ?  
Emmett : WHAT SHE JUST ! WHAT  
Carlisle : JANE ! WHAT !  
Esme : WHAT !  
Alice : did I miss something ? I was admiring my spikes  
Jasper : Ooh.. Emm. Sponges  
Alice : Of course

**PART 5 . Wait what ? NO BITCH FIGHT ! MAID OF HONOUR. Well that's what Rosalie thinks hehe ( evil laugh )  
Intro : well there are so many intro's to this thing like I may aswell call the call thing intro. Ok the big moment. What happens when Jane goes to the wedding ? Will kermit return ? Will Emmett stay naked ? This takes places in the wedding venue/forest thing.  
**  
Alice : I WAS REPLACED !  
Rosalie : I'm sorry. But Jane. Well Jane fits my style  
Alice : Rosalie your dressed in a curtain  
Rosalie : a pretty curtain !  
Jane : Not as pretty as you  
Rosalie : yes. I might just marry you.  
waiting.  
Rosalie : Ok Carlisle  
" Rosalie takes Carlisle's arm and they stroll down the aisle"  
Choir : Dum, dum, dum dum dum. Dum dum dum dum. Dum dum da dum dum da dum dum dum.  
Rosalie whispers to Carlisle : I didn't ask for that song  
Carlisle : ooh yes.  
Carlisle : Sorry. Choir track two please.  
Choir : the moment I wake up, before I put on my make up. I say a little prayer for you. While combing my hair now, wondering what dress to were now I say a little prayer for you.  
The cullens and guests and choir : FOREVER AND EVER YOU'LL STAY IN MY HEART AND I WILL LOVE YOU FORVER AND EVER WE WILL NEVER OF PART BECAUSE I LOVE TOGETER FOREVER WE NEVER WILL LEAVE. It will only be heart break for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!  
Carlisle : love that song  
Rosalie : As do I.  
**"_Carlisle and Rosalie walk the long walk to the top of the aisle to find that EMMETT, ALICE AND JANE ARE MISSING"_**

**PART 6 OMG WHAT HAS HAPPENED EMMETT AND ALICE KIDNAPPED BY JANE ! WILL ROSALIE GET MARRIED WILL THE CHOIR FINSH THE SONG WILL ALICE DIE ! WILL - EM WAIT the length of this title this should be an intro. NO WAIT NO INTRO'S ! that's it people I am removing intro's. Ok wait I cant.  
Intro : danm intros. this is set back in Edwards bedroom. Jane is talking to Emmett when Alice comes in. ooh thiis is what was happening when Rosalie was getting ready to walk down the aisle.**

Jane : Ok so you really do love Rosalie  
Emmett : Don't f*****g start again.  
Jane : just give me three reasons not me  
Emmett : ok you're a ginge, your very evil, and you burn plants.  
Jane : Ooh your soo lucky I don't burn you right now  
Emmett : yeah yeah.. Ooh help me put on my socks and lets get this done  
Jane : Fine.. Leg up  
**" Alice barges in"  
**Alice : OMG  
Jane, Emmett : What ?  
Alice : I FORSAW  
Emmett : Alice we can only "what" so many times  
Alice : true. I just like to make an entrance  
Jane : clearly  
Alice : ok I foresaw us been kidnapped.  
Jane ; HA by who ?  
Alice : little small puppets. I cant see their face's though  
Emmett : why ??  
Alice : because they are wearing Santa Clause masks!  
Emmett : THAT'S INSANE  
Alice : I KNOW  
Emmett : WHY ! WHY SANTA CLAUSE MASKS ITS JULY  
Alice : THAT'S MY POINT !!  
Alice : no. wait its not.  
Jane : OMFG !  
" _just at that moment little puppets with santa clause mask run in and gas them. HOW DO THEY GAS THEM ! I hear you ask. Put this isn't normal gas. ITS FREEZER GAS. FOR FROZEN THINGS HENCE VAMPIRES !. WHERE CAN YOU GET THIS FREEZER GAS ?? I hear you scream. Well you cant I just made it up there. I'm very sorry"  
_Alice : AHHHHH FROZEN GAS  
Emmett : OMG I NO THAT DUDE  
Jane : SANTA ISNT REAL YOU FOOL  
Emmett : no I know them skinny green legs ! I no them skinny green hands. ITS KERMIT THE FROG ! AND THE MUPPETTS !!!!!!**  
**_" now if everyone can imagine BIG ! BOMBING ! LOUD ! EVIL MUSIC! That goes.. DIN DIN DIN !!!"_

**What will happen when Kermit kidnaps them. Will Rosalie save the day. Will kermit tell Jane about the pimp/bitch situation !!! WILL EMMETT DIE ! WILL SOMEONE SHUT ME UP ! DIN ! DIN ! DIN !**

**TO BE CONTINUED….. **

**And Contining**

**Part 7 ! What Happened With Kermit The Frog And The Muppets !!  
Intro : Yes people I too am hating Kermit The Frog . FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY ! WILL THESE TWO JUST MARRY LIKE REALLY ! .. I was prepared to go on a rant but shall resist.. Ok so yeah getting back to the point of Intro's.  
Intro : THE REAL ONE ! ! Ok this is set in the forest in forks and Kermit and friends are trying to kidnap the Emmett, Alice and Jane and this is very hard considering they weigh a lot. **

Alice : OWWWW easy my frikin spikes YOU MUPPET OF A STICK !!!!!  
Kermit : SHUT UP AND GET COMFY  
Emmett : how the .F. can we get comfy IN A FRIKIN PLASTIC BAG  
Alice : ANNNNNNND IM IN THE PLASTIC BAG WITH EMMETT  
Alice : why don't I get my own plastic bag ??? Hmmm  
Kermit : well sorry we didn't really have enough time to prepare hang on I'll check  
Kermit : PIGGY BITCH !!  
Mrs. Piggy : WHAT !  
Kermit : have we any spare bags  
Mrs. Piggy : yes  
Kermit : Ok Alice hop out and get in this.  
_" Kermit takes Alice's hand and lifts her from inside the bag with Emmett to another one. They have now 1 bag each and Mrs. Piggy is holding Emmett's and Kermit Alice's"._  
Alice : Why thank you.  
Kermit : no problem  
Emmett : May I ask a question  
Kermit : you may  
Emmett : WHERE THE F**K ARE YOU F*****G TAKING US ON MY F******G WEDDING DAY YOU LITTLE PRUNE  
Kermit : prune ?? But I'm green  
Emmett : True enough. May I start over  
Kermit : you may  
Emmett : thanks. Anyway. WHERE THE F**K ARE YOU F*****G TAKING US ON MY F******G WEDDING DAY YOU LITTLE GRAPE !  
Kermit : Grape. Better but I would have went with --  
Alice : wait wheres Jane ?? How come she's not in a plastic bag. Was she upgraded to a paper one ??????  
Jane : MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH  
Jane : NOW YOU SEE MUHAHAHAH  
Alice & Emmett : were actually blind like were squashed into a small little black bag and like . Why the evil laugh ???  
Jane : I WAS IN ON IT THE WHOLE TIME !! HAHAHA YOU WERE JUST TOO BLIND TO SEE IT.. Litrally  
Alice : Ooh you are soooooo dead. When I get out of this super strong plastic bag.. Ooh I see DEATH  
Jane : you won't be getting out. Kermit told me Emmett what you did to my bitch. Tut tut tut.  
Emmett : DAMN YOU KERMY !  
Jane : so yes I shall bring you to a surprise place and burn you one by one  
Alice : there's only two of us  
Jane : that's what you think  
Alice : so who else is here ?  
Jane : emmmmmmmmmm……….. Bob  
Alice : bob ?  
Jane : yes bob now zip it.  
Emmett : but. But. Rosalie I have to marry her in 11 minutes I cant stand her up AGAIN!  
Jane : tough titties Emmett  
Emmett : YOU KEEP YOUR TITTIES TO YOURSELF !  
Jane : and if I don't ?  
Emmett : ehh well --  
_**"**Alice for see's"_  
Alice : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
Jane, Emmett and Kermit : JEEZE WHAT WOMAN !  
Alice : I, I, I FORSAW AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
Emmett : what did you see.  
Alice : JA JA JASPER.. RA RA RAZOR .. CURL BOBS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
Jane : ooh like that made sense.  
Emmett : Alice. Tell me.  
Alice : I, I SAW JASPER. And--  
**"**_ Alice cry's tearless sobs"_  
Alice : I saw Jasper. In the house with his curler and his back and frount curl woundnt curl it stayed straight  
Emmett : NO WAY !  
Alice : and he lost. He lost control  
Kermit : WHAT DID HE DO  
Kermit : KILL A HUMAN  
Emmett : ATTACK A HUMAN  
Mrs. Piggy : BITE SOMEONE  
Alice : worse . He shaved his curly bob's  
Emmett : NO NO !! WHATS WRONG WITH THE WORLD  
Jane : I. I cant stand up  
Kermit : NO CURLY BOBS  
Alice : HE HAS A MOHOCK INSTEAD  
Mrs. Piggy : NOOOOO NOOO NOO NO  
Alice : No. curls. Jane you burn me I. cant live forever without his curls  
Emmett : NO. Alice stay with me. Please don't do this. Think of Edward, Esme and Carlisle think of how they love and welcomed you and how--  
Alice : OK EMMETT SHUT UP GIVING ME HEADACHES HERE  
Emmett : jeez  
Mrs. Piggy : Kermit were here  
Alice : were are we  
Kermit : a happy GREAT PLACE FILLED WITH happiness. Casltes. And children  
Emmett : YOUR REALLY TRYING TO KILL US  
Jane : as I said. SLOW AND PAINFULL. Then I burn you.  
Emmett : you didn't say that .  
Jane : WELL I WAS THINKING IT !!!!!!!!!  
Alice : omg I just for saw were we are !  
Emmett : is it bad ?  
Alice : yes.  
**"** _Alice starts to whisper."_  
Alice : but we can escape.  
Emmett : REALLY !  
Kermit, Jane, Mrs. Piggy : really what ??  
Alice : OOH well done Emmett you big buff b*****d.  
Kermit : REALLY WHAT ??  
Emmett : well em. I . I . emm. ELMO IS COOLER THAN YOU  
Kermit : YOUR DEAD YOU LITTLE *************************************************  
_"Kermit lites a fire an go's to throw Emmett in it"_  
Jane : NOOOOOOOOO  
Jane : It will all be worth it in the end when there slowly burning brains are melting  
_" Emmett whispers really low for once"_  
Emmett : Alice. Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst  
Alice : whattttttttttttttttttt ??  
Emmett : so how are we going to get out of this  
Alice : well we have to go to Mickey Mouse's house 1st and then we wait. Carlisle is bringing his em friends.  
Emmett : ok…………. Wait Mickey Mouse ??? Where the f**k are we???  
Alice : DISNEY LAND OF COURSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Emmett : of course.. This day could not get weirder if a giraffe came over and asked me the time  
Alice : true true.  
Kermit : OK WERE HERE SPILL THEM OUT  
**"**_Emmett and Alice's hands feet and legs are wrapped in metal chains so they cant run.."_  
Emmett : WOW DISNEY LAND SCARY  
Kermit : you should be scared don't you reliase why you're here  
Emmett : MICKEY MOUSE… hopefully  
Kermit : no. your being put in a baby creche and you have to swim in MULTI COLOURED PLASTIC BALLS  
Alice : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO……. EVIL !!!!!!!!!!  
Emmett : NO NO NO NO NO THIS ISNT HAPPENING !!!!!!!  
_"Emmett and Alice are dragged helplessly to the balls and are thrown in"_  
Kid No.1 : HAHA LOOK GWON UPZ IN THE BAWLS LETS KILL DEM  
Alice : PLEASE .. DON'T.. I HAVE FANGS …HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
Kid No.2 : ill get the spike you get the muscle  
Emmett :NOT THE MUSCLE NOOOHOOOO  
Alice : IM DROWNING IN BALLS OF RED, BLUE, GREEN AND WHITE HELP ME !  
Emmett : PINK ANYTHING BUT PINK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME  
Emmett : and we get saved ???  
Alice : come up with an excuse to go to Mickey Mouse's house that's the only way we'll get saved  
Emmett : JANE !!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH PINK !! STOP THE VILONCE !  
Jane : what ??? Emmett ?? What  
Emmett : I have to vist Micke Mouse ..  
Jane : why ????  
Emmett : eh. He's my uncle and emm yeah one day em. I need to tell him something about Minnie ?  
Jane : what ?  
Emmett : we had… an AFFAIR  
Kermit : WHAT !  
Alice : What ?  
Mrs Piggy : wait. I wasent listening what ?  
Jane : WHAAAAAA… MINNIE YOU PICK MINNIE OVER ME !!!!  
**_" alice whispers_"  
**Alice : Emmett I forsaw you have to pretend to love Jane to get saved  
Emmett : NO OMG NO THAT BRAIN BOILING 2 IMING GAY LITTLE WEDDIN---  
Alice : She's listening "cough"  
Jane : well Emmett ???? Minnie ????  
Emmett : I don't love her and I don't love Rosalie. I, I, I, love you  
**"**_Emmett cringes into the balls"  
_Jane : whaa ????  
Emmett : take me n Alice out and ill tell you all about it  
Kermit : Jane. don't fall for it it's a ----  
Jane : SHUT UP KERMIT MY LOVERS TALKING TO ME  
Emmett : no. no. no.  
Jane : So you love me ??  
Emmett : YES BITCH…… I mean hun  
Jane : with all your frozen heart  
Emmett : YES YES JUST TAKE THEINK AWAY !!!!!!!!  
Jane : Well if you love me so much you should be able to accept my condition  
Emmett : OK I WILL.. WHAT IS IT  
Jane : Marry me ??  
Emmett : WHAT N-----  
Alice : Emmett !  
Emmett : awww man.. FINE ILL MARRY YOU !

**PART 8 : OMFG I CANNOT BELIVE WHAT IS HAPPENING JANE AND EMMETT ?? WHAT WILL ROSE DO ?? WHO ARE CARLISLE'S FRIENDS ??  
Intro : ok people this Is set in ( omg I'm still in shock) JANE AND EMMETT. What will ROSALIE DO ! Ok so this is set on the grounds of Disney Land. Ooh the reason there not sparkling is because for once its raining and there is hardly anyone there. Ok lets begin**

_"Emmett whispers"_  
Emmett : ALICE ! DO I HAVE TO MARRY THIS TWATIC GINGER DWARF !!  
Alice : I don't know. Just get us to Mickey's house.  
Emmett : Ooh god !  
Alice : just act like you love the hell out of her  
Emmett : EASIER SAID THEN DONE  
Alice : WELL SAY IT THEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
_" Jane, Emmett and Alice sit down at a table. Kermit sits across pretending not to be listening. Each Muppet has eye holes in news paper"_  
Jane : I KNEW YOU LOVED ME ! I always loved and wanted you with all my frozen heaar you have--  
Emmett : Yeah, yeah.. Roses. Red. Violets. Green. Wait blue and yeah wonder full. Now lets go to emm Minnie and Mickeys house hmm, ok I'll show you the way if you untie my you little midget….  
**"** _Alice kicks Emmett under the table"  
_Emmett : Midget…… full of good ??  
Jane : I'll untie you when you marry me  
Emmett : sure, sure WHATEVER ! Just Mickey Mouse. Bring me and Alice to his house like now ?? And then I'll marry you.  
Jane : really ?  
Emmett : I'll marry the crap out of you  
Jane : OK  
Emmett : Oh yes. Oh yes, were freeeeee and yes we areeee and you cantt reallllly marry meeeeee** .  
**_"Emmett breaks into a jig.. Then the can-can and somewhere along the way even though he's still in chains they started jiggling along too.. Then he made an Emmett cheer"_  
Emmett : OK. Give me an E !!!!!  
Alice : shut up Emmett  
Emmett : E  
Alice, Jane : E  
Emmett : Give me an M  
Alice, Jane : M  
Emmett : give me an M  
Alice : M  
Emmett : GIVE ME AN E  
Jane : E  
Emmett : AND A TT !!  
Alice : hahahahaha TT .. Titie hahaha  
Jane : TT  
Emmett : AND WHAT DO YOU GET ??  
Alice : A pile of muscle's ???  
Emmett : EMMETT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
_white he went…… SEE THROUGH"_  
Emmett : what you mean finish ??? Jane : you didn't let me finish  
**" _Emmett suddenly went pale"_**  
Jane : I'll go to Mickey's House to marry you if you let me do something to you Emmett  
Emmett : NOOOOOOOOO IVE HAD ENOUGH NO NO PISS OFF NOW NO FUKIN SEX I WILL NOT HAVE IT YOU LITTLE -----  
Alice : hear her out Emmett  
Emmett : I HAVE HAD ENOUGH ALICE NOOHOOOO  
Alice : EMMETT ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK LISTEN TO HER !!!!!!!!  
Emmett : I AM HAVING NO RELATIONS ! AND IN NO WAY AM I DOING WHAT IS IN HER MIND BURN ME BITCH I WILL NO WAY IMAGINE WHAT ROSA--  
Alice : Emmett !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shut the frick up !!!!  
Jane : Emmett I don't want that. I want to sqeeze your --  
Emmett : NOW THAT'S JUST DIRTY NOW THAT IS AND I THINK THAT --  
Jane : I want to sqeeze your biceps Emmett my love. Now pull up your sleeves and let me do it.  
" Kermit runs over"  
Kermit : WELL IF SHE CAN SO CAN I  
Emmett : sqeeze me and then we can go right ?  
Jane : right. Now u the sleeves  
Kermit : I havent been this ecicted since Marylin Monroe was born  
Jane : I haven't been this exicted since they created FROZEN CHEESE ….. That babies like me little orange sister !  
Alice : Emmett ?  
Emmett : DON'T TELL ME IVE TO MARRY SPONGE BOB !  
Alice : no. may I sqeeze too.  
Emmett : ALICE !! You may**.  
**_" OK after two long hours of sqeezing and ewwwwwwww's and ahhhhhh's. they all stopped"  
_Alice : Jane ???  
Jane : what ? !  
Alice : may I ask that I do not get burned like seen as I'm Emmett's favorite sister -  
Emmett : your not my favoite sister. Edward is hehe  
Alice : SHUT UP Edward is not gay -  
Kermit : wait Edward is gay ??? Is he on the market ?? Whats his favoirite colour is it green ?? PLEASE SAY GREEN !!  
Alice : no red any-  
Kermit : I SHALL DYE MY FLUFF RED  
Alice : yeah you go do that now and yes please save my life  
Jane : well that's up to my one and only  
" silence fell and Alice whispered to Emmett"  
Alice : THAT'S YOU DUMB ASS !  
Emmett : Ooh yeah.. Em I dunno all the same like if you kill her I surrpose jasper will -  
Alice : I can see your future and its not very bright !  
Emmett : Save her !  
Jane : Really ?  
Emmett : SAVE THE HELL OUT OF HER !  
Jane : ok . Emmett darling Mrs. Piggy has arranged a wedding in Mickey Mouses House and we shall be going there in 0.9 mins  
Emmett : have you not to like. Get all white and all ?  
Jane : no. ill marry you the way I am  
**" Emmett whispers to Alice"  
**Emmett : Alice ! If this doesn't work jesus help us.  
Alice : it will I saw it Rosalie comes in with Carlisle and his emm friends and we obbesly gets saved like duhh .  
Emmett : well don't get me on a roll just to break away the hill  
Alice : now I wouldn't roll you to kill you now would I ?  
Jane : ok lets go baby Mickey Mouse awaits  
Emmett : Yess. Ok.  
Alice : they will arrive in 12 mins Carlisle and everyone is only 12 mins away so just act in love till then ok ?  
Emmett : Sure, sure  
Jane: ready baby ?  
Emmett : SHUT UP YOU FOOL AND JUST PUT ME AND ALICE ON YOUR BACK AND LETS ROLL !  
Alice : EMMETT !  
**Emmett : Ooh I em. Love you.  
" Jane puts a still chained alice and Emmett on her back and sets off at full speed in Mickey Mouses House"**

**Part 9 : THE 2ND WEDDING.  
Intro : Ok people I am really counting the Intros 10 F*****G intros this is terrible ok as you might want to know this is the 2nd last chapter so where near the end folks. This is set in Mickey Mouse's House down the back were no one is since it's a bad day there is hardly any kids so just the Muppets, Kermit, Jane and a gay priest are down the back of the house.**

Priest : why hello there. As scared as I am to be taking out of my home by a green frog and threatened my gay ass to stay or die. Hello and welcome to the wedding. My name is Phil  
Jane : hello Phil now hurry up ..  
Emmett : NO SLOW DOWN !!  
Emmett : Alice how long till our em friends are coming ??  
Alice : 9 mins  
Phil : So Girls, boys and puppets I welcome you --  
Jane : GET ON WITH IT !!  
Phil : Ok hmm so anyone have a reason for these not to be married  
**" Emmett's lip quiverd"  
**Alice : " cough" Emmett No. "cough" 8 mintues "cough"  
Phil : Ok well dearly beloved  
Jane : PHIL IF YOU DON'T SKIP TO THE I DO BITS I SHALL BURN YOU TO SPARKES BITCH !  
Phil : JEEZ PUSHY PUSHY. Jane emm Volturi do you take Emmett Cullen To be your husband  
Jane : yes.  
Phil : In sickness and in health  
Jane : Yep  
Phil : you swear  
Jane : yes  
Phil : double swear  
Jane : yes yes  
Phil : Triple sw-  
Jane : SPARKES PHIL SPARKES !  
Phil : ok . Emmett Cullen do you take Jane Volturi to be your lawfully wedded wife  
Emmett : Emmmmmmmmmm.. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…… you see that's a trick question I look upon this as a em commitment factor and I don't think that --  
Phil : DO OR DON'T EMMETT DO OR DON'T ??  
Emmett : Emmm errrrrrrr.. May I use the bathroom  
Jane : your bladder is frozen you dweep now I do me before I blow everyone up  
Emmett : I, I DO !!!!  
Phil : well I now pronounce you Man and wife. You may kiss the bride  
Emmett : well we can wait for that  
**" Jane suddenly leaps at Emmett wraps her legs around him and kisses a cringing Emmett. AND AT THAT MOMMENT ROSALIE CARLISLE AND SESAME STREET WALK IN AND ROSASLIE SEE'S JANE AND EMMETT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGAIN PEOPLE SCARY MUSIC DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN"**

**So what will happen now ?? Will Rosalie kill jane ?? Will Jane kill Rosalie ?? Will Elmo kill Kermit ?? And now Emmett cant marry Rosalie because it would be bigamy.. And not big of you big of me !!..  
To be continued. See what happens in the 10th and final part of Rosalie Cullens Wedding. What really Happened !! **


	4. the final part 10 THE ENDING !

Rosalie And Emmett's Wedding

**Intro : Ooh from now on my intro's or little mid comments will be in bold. Ok this story is set in the 1900's before Bella and all the trouble **_**she **_**caused. Everything is VERY chaotic. Rosalie wants everything perfect and its being held in the forest. There a few parts. And I will explain all of them like this. **

**Part.1. ****DRESSING ROSALIE CULLEN. **

**Intro : yes yet another intro. How many can you get but any who. Alice and Rosalie are in the big dressing room. Alice is still making up Rosalie's dress 2 hours before the wedding and this is how it went.**

Rosalie : Hurry Up !!!! Aw

"Alice sticks pin in rosalies leg"

Rosalie : AWWWWWWWWWWW

Alice : your made of stone. The pin itself is blunt WHY ARE YOU AWWIN.

Rosalie : I thought you were meant to be fast ???

Alice : I MAY BE SMALL BUT I AM POWERFULL

Rosalie : FOR THE LOVE OF BLOOD JUST DRESS ME YOU LITTLE MIDGET THING

Alice : I'm not small. I'm just not tall

Rosalie : Awwwwwwwww

Alice : I didn't even touch you !

Rosalie : JUST HURRY UP ! You still have my hair and all to do

Alice : WELL IF I HAD MORE NOTICE MAYBE EVERYTHING WOULD BE IN ORDER

Rosalie : What ? 27 hours not enough for you ?

Alice : Well not when your working with a BLONDIE BRAT !

Rosalie : You know what ?

Alice : What ?

Rosalie : with that hair do. You look like an electrocuted kitten.

"Alice jabs full needle into Rosalie's ankle"

Rosalie : OWWWWWWWWWW OWWWW OMG

Alice : Frozen kitten that !. Crap

Rosalie : What's crap ?

Alice : the needles lost in your frozen ankle .

Rosalie : OOOH hurry up for the love of --

Alice : THERE IM DONE YOU…. FREAK !

"Rosalie turns to look in the long mirror at a long strapless, diamond lovely gown"

Alice : well…….

Rosalie : I -

Alice : yes

Rosalie : well I -

Alice : SAY IT !

Rosalie : I hate it so much I want to hit it so hard with my frozen guts and feed it to Jacob.

Alice : well. I feel like I could dress you in a black plastic bag, tie your stupid flawless hands and push you down that aisle and have _me _looking the prettiest

Rosalie : Alice, no matter how hard you try you are always going to look your kitten mad self

"Alice goes down stairs. Gets a plastic bag. Takes the dress of Rosalie dresses her a black plastc bag and ties her to a chair."

Rosalie : let me go !!

Alice : WEAR MY DRESS

Rosalie : ID RATHER WEAR KNITTED VOMIT !

Alice : take can be arranged. NOW I WILL DO YOUR HAIR

Rosalie : KEEP THE FLICK MACHINE TO YOURSELF NOW

" Alice starts curling rose's hair"

Alice : ever feel sad you have a fanny spilt hair

Rosalie : WHAT !

Alice : your hair . Is fanny spilt and waxed.

Rosalie : EVER FEEL SAD PEOPLE LOOK FOR OPEN WIRES WHEN THEY SEE _YOUR_ HAIR

" Alice finishes Rosalie's hair at super speed"

Alice : Dumb blonde they even froze your brain

Rosalie : I AM NOT DUMB

Alice : Ok so what's the capital of Washington ?

Rosalie : Emmm "W"

Alice : Ooh yea

Alice : I don't know what Emmett see's in you I really, really don't.

Rosalie : well I don't know how Jasper even _see's_ you with all his curly bob's

Alice : WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY… ABOUT MY LOVERS CURLY BOBS

Rosalie : Hmmm nothing.

Alice : Yeah.. Ok your done

"Rosalie looks in mirror at her in the plastic bag with her own set of curly bob's"

Rosalie : FINE. Ill wear the dress

Alice : YEY !

Rosalie : don't get over exited you might fart a spark

"Alice puts rose in dress and add's her shoes"

Alice : Ok ill just get the flowers and were good to go

Rosalie : you ordered red and blue roses right

Alice : yes

Rosalie : roses

Alice : yes

Rosalie : Red

Alice : yes

Rosalie : And blue

Alice : if I have to make it anymore clearer YES !

" A flower man knocks on the door"

Alice : Come in

Flower Man : I have some white tulips for Alice Cullen

Alice : Tulips

Rosalie : Tulips

Rosalie : white

Alice : White tulips

Rosalie : Tulips

Flower Man : NO IM ONLY MESSIN .. Bluebells YES TULIPS !

Rosalie : OOH god

Alice : I ORDERED ROSES

Flower Man : And………….

Alice : I think your being very rude. So if you don't mind you bitch. GET ME MY ROSES

Rosalie : THIS IS NOT HAPPING

Flower Man : Look Kitten Girl I ----

" Jasper storms into room with evil eyes against Flower Man"

Jasper : seems you have a problem Mr………..em… FLOWER MAN!

Flower Man : not t'all I was just… em… I… … and… I

Jasper : YOU WANNA RUN… NOW. APOLOGIZE TO _KITTEN GIRL_ AND BRING ME BACK 200 RED ROSES & 200 BLUE ROSES FREE OF CHARGE.. BITCH !

Flower : Actually I have roses in the van. Ill get them now

Jasper : RUN !

Jasper : Rosalie you look…… great love the curly bobs

Rosalie : as do I

Alice : Rosalie will you call out that list for me so I can see if every things checked.

Rosalie : Sure

Rosalie : ok. Frozen Rosalie ice sculpture ?

Alice : Check

Jasper : I thought that was a waste of money. Like _you_ could have just stood there.

Rosalie : White diamond gazebo and flower arrange ?

Alice : Check

Rosalie : A "blondes are the best" banner

Alice : check

Rosalie : A " Rose is the shit" banner

Alice : check

Rosalie : cow, deer, elk and mountain lion blood serving ?

Alice : check

Rosalie : hair/dress/make-up done ?

Alice : Check

Rosalie : and last but not least ---

" Edward storms into room"

Rosalie : excuse me bronzey I'm in the middle of a list

Rosalie : anyway. Last but not least.. Emmett ?

Alice : OOH no.

Rosalie : WHERE'S MY EMMETT ???

Edward : that's why I have come I'm afraid that something has happened

Rosalie: WHAT ! IS ! IT !

Edward : well.. Kermit the frog out of the muppets he and Aro came to Emmett and Emmett decided to leap after Kermit to America and we don't know where he is now.

Rosalie : EMMETT !

Alice : ARO !

Jasper : wait . Kermit the frog.

Rosalie : IF THAT BUFF HUNKY GOLDEN EYED IMBOSILE DOESN'T GET HIS FROZEN BEHIND BACK NOW THIS MINUTE OOH I SWEAR THERE WILL BE SEROIUS CONSIQUENCES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Alice : Edward, what happened ?

**Part.2. ****WHAT HAPPENED TO EMMETT WHEN KERMIT THE FROG AND ARO CAME **

**Yes people yet another intro. This is what happened to Emmett whist Rosalie was getting dressed in black plastic bags.**

**this is set in Edwards room with Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper & Edward. Edward like Alice is jabbing pins into Emmett's legs. Yes Edward is quite the designer. **

Emmett : jeez Edward 12 hours and still no criss cross pattern. Im ashamed

Edward : DAMN YOU. YOU TROUSERS YOU WILL DO CRISSY CROSSYS

Carlisle : so people what songs do you want playing today ?

Edward : Tina Turner

Jasper : of course

Emmett : Tom Jones ?

Carlisle : Queen ?

Emmett :do you HAVE to do cross stitch ??

Edward : IF YOU WANT TO BE PRETTIFULL

Emmett : fine.

Jasper : So Carlisle, who's coming to this _wedding _then

Carlisle : well everyone. The Irish girls-

Emmett : ooh were so drunk

Carlisle : rain forest people, Tanya

Edward : OOH NO

Carlisle : Kate.. And you know the rest. Ooh we have 2 new guests. Aro and he said he's bringing a special _friend_

Edward : who ?

Carlisle : god only knows

Emmett : can I just say. That you's REALLY know how to throw a stag night

Edward : OOH EDWARD GET OVER IT. So what a glass of wine, mountain lion blood and titanic isn't a good stag night ?

Emmett : NOT WHEN YOUR FATHER AND TWO BROTHERS CRY TEARLESS SOBS

Edward : how can you not cry. You must have a heart of stone

Emmett : ACTUALLY…. YA

Carlisle : Is that _KERMIT THE FROG !_

Edward : KERMIE THE FROGGEY !

Emmett : ELMO !!

Carlisle : what ??

Emmett : HA Aro is married to Kermit the frog !

Edward : Lucky B*****d

" Aro and Kermit fly into the bedroom"

Aro : my brothers. How are you

Kermit : wow. They sparkle

Aro : yes. We do

Carlisle : ARO WHY DOES KERMIT KNOW WERE VAMIPIRES

Aro : he's a part of the Volturi

Edward : how come ??

Aro : He's my……………….. Lover

Carlisle : That's…………. great

Edward : yes great… congrats

Kermit : were getting married next November

Emmett : HAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA OOH FROZEN LAUGHS FROZEN LAUGHS OOH HA HE HA. WHOS WEARING THE DRESS !

Edward : EMMETT !….. don't be so rude of course Aro's wearing it. Kermit's not that gay

Aro : OOH OFFENISE TAKIN !!OMG CHEEK OF SOME PEOPLE. EMMETT YOUR OFFICALY ON MY DEATH LIST !

" Aro pulls out sribelly list"

**Aro's Death List :**

**Mrs. Piggy - because shes in love with my man **

**Marylin Monroe- hate her mole**

**Jane-bullies me **

**Forrest Gump-I HATE THE WAY HE SAYS MOMMA **

**Dracula-scares me **

**EMMETT !!!-made fun of me **

Emmett : Oh im soooo scared your going to send sesame street after me

Kermit : MUPPETTS actually

Aro : WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU.. And your big impressive biceps

Emmett : DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MEE

Aro : No

Edward : NOT what your thinking

Kermit, Emmett : What _is _he thinking ??

Edwa_rd : _he wants to strap him down and kiss his biceps one by one and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

" Emmett runs to Aro. Hits him a slap and throws him out the window"

Kermit : Emmett you do reliase what ypu hav just on.

Emmett : what ?

Kermit : well Aro is jane's bitch so that means that jane is his pimp. Which means when you mess with a bitch the pim comes after you. Which means Janes gonna burn the brain off you.

Emmett : SHIT. WELL NOT IF NO ONE TELLS HER

Kermit : well seems as your biceps ruined my relationship I will

" kermit fly's out the window to tell jane"

Emmett : OOH HE IS SO DEAD !

" emmett flys out window to kill Kermit the Frog"

Jasper : I smell rude flower man

Carlisle : Ask him for daisy's lol

Edward : doe's no one reliaze like Emmett is gone.

Jasper : And…………..

**Part 3 What Happened When Emmett Went To kill Kermit The Frog   
Intro  
Omg yes another intro. Thanks your comments/reviews I am now still continuing Rosalie's Wedding. Thank you to those who kept me going.  
Ok this is set in the forest outside the Cullens house in Forks ( lol spoons) and Kermit the frog is running away from Emmett to try to get to Italy to tell Jane. Now everything is not always that simple. ( well not in my stories) well Emmetts half done trousers are slowly ripping and he forgot to wear undie's and Kermit the frog I singing the show tune together again by the muppetts. Now lets begin.**

Emmett : AHH my slowly ripping trousers revialing my SEXY buttock SOMEONE GET A NEEDLE !!!!!!!!!  
Kermit : will you just go home.  
Emmett : what and let you get my brains burned ??  
Emmett swings from tree  
Trousers : rip !  
Kermit : You stole my lover from me !  
Emmett : YOUR STEALING MY WEDDING FROM ME  
Kermit : your marring a bitch  
Emmett : A SEXY ONE.  
Kermit : are you saying my Aro is not sexy ??  
Emmett : Ooh let me think.. Elvis style blonde hair. Dresses in knitted rugs or should I say cloaks and carries lip balm in his rug pocket and uses mascara.. Hmmm.. If gay = sexy well he would be the SEX !  
Kermit runs raster through the forest  
Kermit : OOH NO YOU DIDN'T !  
Emmett : yes bitch I …. why I think I did !  
Kermit : DON'T EVEN GO THERE !!!!!!!!!  
Emmett : Don't go there ??…. I've been there. Took some pictures and came back already  
Kermit : Well you're a…a…..  
Emmett : A ???????  
Kermit : a big buff bastard.  
Emmett : OOH stop !! Your insults are killing me

**9 hours of chasing passed and then they reliased that they were at Volltura were the volturi. Jane is spotted watering her plants in the garden when a half naked Emmett and a green Kermit fly down. **

Jane : DAMN YOU TULLIP YOU WILL WATER !! GRRRR GROW BITCH  
"_jane burns the plant and it blows up into a little spark"  
_Jane: You will respect me !  
Jane : What the  
Kermit : JANE !  
Emmett : NOOOOOOO  
Kermit : JANE !  
Emmett : NOOOOOOO  
Kermit : JANE !  
Emmett : NOOOOOOO  
Kermit: I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jane : What  
Kermit : Emmett's -  
Jane : Yes  
Emmett : NO  
Kermit : Emmett's -  
Emmett : I'm-  
Kermit : HE'S ---  
Emmett: I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU !  
Jane : WHAT !  
Kermit : WHAT  
Emmett : WAIT WHAT !  
Jane : Emmett I don't -  
Kermit : HE'S LYING I  
Jane : shut up !  
Kermit : But !!  
" Kermit blows up into a million different sparks" "RIP Kermit"  
Jane : Why I…..  
Emmett : Look I was only --  
Jane : I LOVE YOU TO  
Emmett : what  
Jane : I was did. Just I thought you were taking  
Emmett : I am I really------  
Jane : Well its ok we can be together we can get married and live happy every after for eternity  
Emmett : NOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO  
Jane : Im sorry did you just……. REJECT ME ??  
Emmett : I don't love you  
Jane : OOH YOUR SOO DEAD  
Rosalie steps into the garden glaring terribly at Jane.  
Jane : Rosalie I well  
Rosalie : YOU SHUT UP AND SIT YOUR FROZEN ASS ON THE GRASS YOU LITTLE FOOL !  
Emmett : Rose -  
Rosalie : YOU TOO..  
Emmett : OK !  
Rosalie : emm. Jane correct me if I'm wrong but the last little few word you said to MY emmett. Did they invole his death ?  
Jane : Well  
Rosalie : DID THEY ????????????????????

**Part 4 THE BIG BIG BITCH FIGHT ROSALIE VS JANE ! FOR EMMETT.  
Intro : OK THIS IS THE ROCKY MATCH THE WORL CHAMPION THIS IS ROSALIE VS JANE IN A BITCH FIGHT OMG I CANT EVEN RIGHT AN INTRO. When people found out that there was a bitch fight on everyone came. ALL the volturi and there wives. And all the cullens.  
**Felix : KICK HER ASS JANE !  
Jasper : Ohh you wanna ear flick you little wimp  
Felix : Ooh yeah your curly bobs IM SOO SCARED OF !  
Jasper : OOH YEAH WELL YOU HAVE A NAME OF A CAT  
Felix : you have the face of a SPA  
Alice : IM SORRY WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY…. PUSSY WUSSY CAT  
Carlisle : Alice, Jasper. Lets not waste our time  
Demetri: YEAH YOU BETTER NOT BECAUSE WE WILL BOOT YOU AROUND  
Carlisle : Ooh please.. Ooh im soo scared.  
Edward : THEY SHOULD BE ! Rosalie's going to kick Jane up down and around.  
Markus : Ooh please. Jane bullies us. Rosalie is like an insect to her. Not movements all buzz buzz buzz.  
Edward : YOU SHUT UP YOU MIDGET ! WITH BLACK HAIR  
Markus : You shut up… tall and bronzey.  
Some Man : OK EVERYONE GOT THERE SEATS IN THE GARDEN  
Everyone : YES  
Some Man : Well Let the bitching begin  
Esme : You can do it Rose !  
" Emmett takes a seat and Jane stands up to face Rosalie"  
Rosalie : So.. Tell me why your not a full vampire ?  
Jane : I am a full vampire  
Rosalie : Well full vampires are meant to be some sort of pretty. Your just.. Odd  
Jane : Ooh I'm odd. Your such a dumb blonde  
Rosalie : PROVE IT  
Jane : WHATS THE CAPITAL OF WASHINGTON  
Rosalie : W !  
Jane : WELL DONE !  
Carlisle : what ?  
Rosalie : Look Emmett's my husband, my sex bomb, my EVERYTHING and I'm marring him in 3 hours time. And you will go back to watering your plants and I will go back to my wedding.  
Jane : Emmett. He doesn't love you he loves ME !!!!!!  
Rosalie : DO NOT SAY THAT YOU LITTLE WEIRDO FREAK  
Jane : Emmett ?  
Emmett : sorry I don't love you  
Jane : BUT YOU SAID  
Rosalie : wait he SAID !  
Edward : you said ?  
Carlisle : HE SAID !  
Esme : what Emmett ! YOU SAID  
Alice : wait. What he say ?  
Jasper : something about sweeping brushes  
Alice : of course  
Emmett : I, well what I said I --  
Rosalie : YOU SAID IT  
Edward : SAID IT  
Carlisle : HE SAID IT  
Esme : EMMETT ! SAID ! IT!  
Alice : Jeez people nowadays are very protective of sweeping brushes  
Jasper : seems to be.  
Rosalie : OOH YOU ARE SO DEAD YOU BIG STUPID DOPE OF A JACKASSING PIG OF A ASSHOLE ! WEDDING OFF  
Emmett : But rose I -  
Rosalie : SHUT THE HELL UP !  
Emmett : ok  
Rosalie : AND AS FOR YOU !!!!!!!!!!  
"Rosalie points (scaringly) at Jane"  
Edward : Ooh its soooo on  
Carlisle : hehe  
Alice : what's this about  
Jasper : mops…  
Esme : KICK HER ASS ROSE  
Rosalie : you. You stupid little midget you deserve to be pulled apart toe by toe , finger by finger using a pliers !  
Rosalie : I DON'T CARE WHO SAID WHAT YOU LITTLE MIDGET ! YOUR GINGER ! STUPID ! MOP OF A SWEEPING BRUSH!  
Jane : But I-  
**" _Rosalie leaps and starts killing Jane. Fiercely. Aro then tells Jane telepathically what to do… Jane hears and this is what happens"_  
**Jane : Owwww my foo- OWWWWW  
Rosalie : STUID LITTLE -- LITE A FIRE EMMETT !  
Emmett : will do  
Jane : you know Rosalie. You are the most beautiful vampire I have ever known  
Rosalie : you mean. pretty  
Jane : HAHA its working.  
Rosalie : what ?  
Jane : SO SO SO PRETTY and blonde  
_Rosalie stops fighting  
_Rosalie : And. And . Blonde  
Jane : THE BLONDEST  
Rosalie : what are you doing in 1.30 hours ?  
Jane : Nothing. Well the usual. Burning weeds, watering flowers, hoping, waiting on my true love, watching Dr. Phil and -  
Rosalie : TODAY . Not life story.  
Jane : Ooh. Nothing  
Rosalie : how about being my maid of honor ?  
Edward : WHAT SHE SAY ?  
Emmett : WHAT SHE JUST ! WHAT  
Carlisle : JANE ! WHAT !  
Esme : WHAT !  
Alice : did I miss something ? I was admiring my spikes  
Jasper : Ooh.. Emm. Sponges  
Alice : Of course

**PART 5 . Wait what ? NO BITCH FIGHT ! MAID OF HONOUR. Well that's what Rosalie thinks hehe ( evil laugh )  
Intro : well there are so many intro's to this thing like I may aswell call the call thing intro. Ok the big moment. What happens when Jane goes to the wedding ? Will kermit return ? Will Emmett stay naked ? This takes places in the wedding venue/forest thing.  
**  
Alice : I WAS REPLACED !  
Rosalie : I'm sorry. But Jane. Well Jane fits my style  
Alice : Rosalie your dressed in a curtain  
Rosalie : a pretty curtain !  
Jane : Not as pretty as you  
Rosalie : yes. I might just marry you.  
waiting.  
Rosalie : Ok Carlisle  
" Rosalie takes Carlisle's arm and they stroll down the aisle"  
Choir : Dum, dum, dum dum dum. Dum dum dum dum. Dum dum da dum dum da dum dum dum.  
Rosalie whispers to Carlisle : I didn't ask for that song  
Carlisle : ooh yes.  
Carlisle : Sorry. Choir track two please.  
Choir : the moment I wake up, before I put on my make up. I say a little prayer for you. While combing my hair now, wondering what dress to were now I say a little prayer for you.  
The cullens and guests and choir : FOREVER AND EVER YOU'LL STAY IN MY HEART AND I WILL LOVE YOU FORVER AND EVER WE WILL NEVER OF PART BECAUSE I LOVE TOGETER FOREVER WE NEVER WILL LEAVE. It will only be heart break for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!  
Carlisle : love that song  
Rosalie : As do I.  
**"_Carlisle and Rosalie walk the long walk to the top of the aisle to find that EMMETT, ALICE AND JANE ARE MISSING"_**

**PART 6 OMG WHAT HAS HAPPENED EMMETT AND ALICE KIDNAPPED BY JANE ! WILL ROSALIE GET MARRIED WILL THE CHOIR FINSH THE SONG WILL ALICE DIE ! WILL - EM WAIT the length of this title this should be an intro. NO WAIT NO INTRO'S ! that's it people I am removing intro's. Ok wait I cant.  
Intro : danm intros. this is set back in Edwards bedroom. Jane is talking to Emmett when Alice comes in. ooh thiis is what was happening when Rosalie was getting ready to walk down the aisle.**

Jane : Ok so you really do love Rosalie  
Emmett : Don't f*****g start again.  
Jane : just give me three reasons not me  
Emmett : ok you're a ginge, your very evil, and you burn plants.  
Jane : Ooh your soo lucky I don't burn you right now  
Emmett : yeah yeah.. Ooh help me put on my socks and lets get this done  
Jane : Fine.. Leg up  
**" Alice barges in"  
**Alice : OMG  
Jane, Emmett : What ?  
Alice : I FORSAW  
Emmett : Alice we can only "what" so many times  
Alice : true. I just like to make an entrance  
Jane : clearly  
Alice : ok I foresaw us been kidnapped.  
Jane ; HA by who ?  
Alice : little small puppets. I cant see their face's though  
Emmett : why ??  
Alice : because they are wearing Santa Clause masks!  
Emmett : THAT'S INSANE  
Alice : I KNOW  
Emmett : WHY ! WHY SANTA CLAUSE MASKS ITS JULY  
Alice : THAT'S MY POINT !!  
Alice : no. wait its not.  
Jane : OMFG !  
" _just at that moment little puppets with santa clause mask run in and gas them. HOW DO THEY GAS THEM ! I hear you ask. Put this isn't normal gas. ITS FREEZER GAS. FOR FROZEN THINGS HENCE VAMPIRES !. WHERE CAN YOU GET THIS FREEZER GAS ?? I hear you scream. Well you cant I just made it up there. I'm very sorry"  
_Alice : AHHHHH FROZEN GAS  
Emmett : OMG I NO THAT DUDE  
Jane : SANTA ISNT REAL YOU FOOL  
Emmett : no I know them skinny green legs ! I no them skinny green hands. ITS KERMIT THE FROG ! AND THE MUPPETTS !!!!!!**  
**_" now if everyone can imagine BIG ! BOMBING ! LOUD ! EVIL MUSIC! That goes.. DIN DIN DIN !!!"_

**What will happen when Kermit kidnaps them. Will Rosalie save the day. Will kermit tell Jane about the pimp/bitch situation !!! WILL EMMETT DIE ! WILL SOMEONE SHUT ME UP ! DIN ! DIN ! DIN !**

**TO BE CONTINUED….. **

**And Contining**

**Part 7 ! What Happened With Kermit The Frog And The Muppets !!  
Intro : Yes people I too am hating Kermit The Frog . FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY ! WILL THESE TWO JUST MARRY LIKE REALLY ! .. I was prepared to go on a rant but shall resist.. Ok so yeah getting back to the point of Intro's.  
Intro : THE REAL ONE ! ! Ok this is set in the forest in forks and Kermit and friends are trying to kidnap the Emmett, Alice and Jane and this is very hard considering they weigh a lot. **

Alice : OWWWW easy my frikin spikes YOU MUPPET OF A STICK !!!!!  
Kermit : SHUT UP AND GET COMFY  
Emmett : how the .F. can we get comfy IN A FRIKIN PLASTIC BAG  
Alice : ANNNNNNND IM IN THE PLASTIC BAG WITH EMMETT  
Alice : why don't I get my own plastic bag ??? Hmmm  
Kermit : well sorry we didn't really have enough time to prepare hang on I'll check  
Kermit : PIGGY BITCH !!  
Mrs. Piggy : WHAT !  
Kermit : have we any spare bags  
Mrs. Piggy : yes  
Kermit : Ok Alice hop out and get in this.  
_" Kermit takes Alice's hand and lifts her from inside the bag with Emmett to another one. They have now 1 bag each and Mrs. Piggy is holding Emmett's and Kermit Alice's"._  
Alice : Why thank you.  
Kermit : no problem  
Emmett : May I ask a question  
Kermit : you may  
Emmett : WHERE THE F**K ARE YOU F*****G TAKING US ON MY F******G WEDDING DAY YOU LITTLE PRUNE  
Kermit : prune ?? But I'm green  
Emmett : True enough. May I start over  
Kermit : you may  
Emmett : thanks. Anyway. WHERE THE F**K ARE YOU F*****G TAKING US ON MY F******G WEDDING DAY YOU LITTLE GRAPE !  
Kermit : Grape. Better but I would have went with --  
Alice : wait wheres Jane ?? How come she's not in a plastic bag. Was she upgraded to a paper one ??????  
Jane : MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH  
Jane : NOW YOU SEE MUHAHAHAH  
Alice & Emmett : were actually blind like were squashed into a small little black bag and like . Why the evil laugh ???  
Jane : I WAS IN ON IT THE WHOLE TIME !! HAHAHA YOU WERE JUST TOO BLIND TO SEE IT.. Litrally  
Alice : Ooh you are soooooo dead. When I get out of this super strong plastic bag.. Ooh I see DEATH  
Jane : you won't be getting out. Kermit told me Emmett what you did to my bitch. Tut tut tut.  
Emmett : DAMN YOU KERMY !  
Jane : so yes I shall bring you to a surprise place and burn you one by one  
Alice : there's only two of us  
Jane : that's what you think  
Alice : so who else is here ?  
Jane : emmmmmmmmmm……….. Bob  
Alice : bob ?  
Jane : yes bob now zip it.  
Emmett : but. But. Rosalie I have to marry her in 11 minutes I cant stand her up AGAIN!  
Jane : tough titties Emmett  
Emmett : YOU KEEP YOUR TITTIES TO YOURSELF !  
Jane : and if I don't ?  
Emmett : ehh well --  
_**"**Alice for see's"_  
Alice : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
Jane, Emmett and Kermit : JEEZE WHAT WOMAN !  
Alice : I, I, I FORSAW AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
Emmett : what did you see.  
Alice : JA JA JASPER.. RA RA RAZOR .. CURL BOBS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
Jane : ooh like that made sense.  
Emmett : Alice. Tell me.  
Alice : I, I SAW JASPER. And--  
**"**_ Alice cry's tearless sobs"_  
Alice : I saw Jasper. In the house with his curler and his back and frount curl woundnt curl it stayed straight  
Emmett : NO WAY !  
Alice : and he lost. He lost control  
Kermit : WHAT DID HE DO  
Kermit : KILL A HUMAN  
Emmett : ATTACK A HUMAN  
Mrs. Piggy : BITE SOMEONE  
Alice : worse . He shaved his curly bob's  
Emmett : NO NO !! WHATS WRONG WITH THE WORLD  
Jane : I. I cant stand up  
Kermit : NO CURLY BOBS  
Alice : HE HAS A MOHOCK INSTEAD  
Mrs. Piggy : NOOOOO NOOO NOO NO  
Alice : No. curls. Jane you burn me I. cant live forever without his curls  
Emmett : NO. Alice stay with me. Please don't do this. Think of Edward, Esme and Carlisle think of how they love and welcomed you and how--  
Alice : OK EMMETT SHUT UP GIVING ME HEADACHES HERE  
Emmett : jeez  
Mrs. Piggy : Kermit were here  
Alice : were are we  
Kermit : a happy GREAT PLACE FILLED WITH happiness. Casltes. And children  
Emmett : YOUR REALLY TRYING TO KILL US  
Jane : as I said. SLOW AND PAINFULL. Then I burn you.  
Emmett : you didn't say that .  
Jane : WELL I WAS THINKING IT !!!!!!!!!  
Alice : omg I just for saw were we are !  
Emmett : is it bad ?  
Alice : yes.  
**"** _Alice starts to whisper."_  
Alice : but we can escape.  
Emmett : REALLY !  
Kermit, Jane, Mrs. Piggy : really what ??  
Alice : OOH well done Emmett you big buff b*****d.  
Kermit : REALLY WHAT ??  
Emmett : well em. I . I . emm. ELMO IS COOLER THAN YOU  
Kermit : YOUR DEAD YOU LITTLE *************************************************  
_"Kermit lites a fire an go's to throw Emmett in it"_  
Jane : NOOOOOOOOO  
Jane : It will all be worth it in the end when there slowly burning brains are melting  
_" Emmett whispers really low for once"_  
Emmett : Alice. Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst  
Alice : whattttttttttttttttttt ??  
Emmett : so how are we going to get out of this  
Alice : well we have to go to Mickey Mouse's house 1st and then we wait. Carlisle is bringing his em friends.  
Emmett : ok…………. Wait Mickey Mouse ??? Where the f**k are we???  
Alice : DISNEY LAND OF COURSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Emmett : of course.. This day could not get weirder if a giraffe came over and asked me the time  
Alice : true true.  
Kermit : OK WERE HERE SPILL THEM OUT  
**"**_Emmett and Alice's hands feet and legs are wrapped in metal chains so they cant run.."_  
Emmett : WOW DISNEY LAND SCARY  
Kermit : you should be scared don't you reliase why you're here  
Emmett : MICKEY MOUSE… hopefully  
Kermit : no. your being put in a baby creche and you have to swim in MULTI COLOURED PLASTIC BALLS  
Alice : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO……. EVIL !!!!!!!!!!  
Emmett : NO NO NO NO NO THIS ISNT HAPPENING !!!!!!!  
_"Emmett and Alice are dragged helplessly to the balls and are thrown in"_  
Kid No.1 : HAHA LOOK GWON UPZ IN THE BAWLS LETS KILL DEM  
Alice : PLEASE .. DON'T.. I HAVE FANGS …HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
Kid No.2 : ill get the spike you get the muscle  
Emmett :NOT THE MUSCLE NOOOHOOOO  
Alice : IM DROWNING IN BALLS OF RED, BLUE, GREEN AND WHITE HELP ME !  
Emmett : PINK ANYTHING BUT PINK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME  
Emmett : and we get saved ???  
Alice : come up with an excuse to go to Mickey Mouse's house that's the only way we'll get saved  
Emmett : JANE !!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH PINK !! STOP THE VILONCE !  
Jane : what ??? Emmett ?? What  
Emmett : I have to vist Micke Mouse ..  
Jane : why ????  
Emmett : eh. He's my uncle and emm yeah one day em. I need to tell him something about Minnie ?  
Jane : what ?  
Emmett : we had… an AFFAIR  
Kermit : WHAT !  
Alice : What ?  
Mrs Piggy : wait. I wasent listening what ?  
Jane : WHAAAAAA… MINNIE YOU PICK MINNIE OVER ME !!!!  
**_" alice whispers_"  
**Alice : Emmett I forsaw you have to pretend to love Jane to get saved  
Emmett : NO OMG NO THAT BRAIN BOILING 2 IMING GAY LITTLE WEDDIN---  
Alice : She's listening "cough"  
Jane : well Emmett ???? Minnie ????  
Emmett : I don't love her and I don't love Rosalie. I, I, I, love you  
**"**_Emmett cringes into the balls"  
_Jane : whaa ????  
Emmett : take me n Alice out and ill tell you all about it  
Kermit : Jane. don't fall for it it's a ----  
Jane : SHUT UP KERMIT MY LOVERS TALKING TO ME  
Emmett : no. no. no.  
Jane : So you love me ??  
Emmett : YES BITCH…… I mean hun  
Jane : with all your frozen heart  
Emmett : YES YES JUST TAKE THEINK AWAY !!!!!!!!  
Jane : Well if you love me so much you should be able to accept my condition  
Emmett : OK I WILL.. WHAT IS IT  
Jane : Marry me ??  
Emmett : WHAT N-----  
Alice : Emmett !  
Emmett : awww man.. FINE ILL MARRY YOU !

**PART 8 : OMFG I CANNOT BELIVE WHAT IS HAPPENING JANE AND EMMETT ?? WHAT WILL ROSE DO ?? WHO ARE CARLISLE'S FRIENDS ??  
Intro : ok people this Is set in ( omg I'm still in shock) JANE AND EMMETT. What will ROSALIE DO ! Ok so this is set on the grounds of Disney Land. Ooh the reason there not sparkling is because for once its raining and there is hardly anyone there. Ok lets begin**

_"Emmett whispers"_  
Emmett : ALICE ! DO I HAVE TO MARRY THIS TWATIC GINGER DWARF !!  
Alice : I don't know. Just get us to Mickey's house.  
Emmett : Ooh god !  
Alice : just act like you love the hell out of her  
Emmett : EASIER SAID THEN DONE  
Alice : WELL SAY IT THEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
_" Jane, Emmett and Alice sit down at a table. Kermit sits across pretending not to be listening. Each Muppet has eye holes in news paper"_  
Jane : I KNEW YOU LOVED ME ! I always loved and wanted you with all my frozen heaar you have--  
Emmett : Yeah, yeah.. Roses. Red. Violets. Green. Wait blue and yeah wonder full. Now lets go to emm Minnie and Mickeys house hmm, ok I'll show you the way if you untie my you little midget….  
**"** _Alice kicks Emmett under the table"  
_Emmett : Midget…… full of good ??  
Jane : I'll untie you when you marry me  
Emmett : sure, sure WHATEVER ! Just Mickey Mouse. Bring me and Alice to his house like now ?? And then I'll marry you.  
Jane : really ?  
Emmett : I'll marry the crap out of you  
Jane : OK  
Emmett : Oh yes. Oh yes, were freeeeee and yes we areeee and you cantt reallllly marry meeeeee** .  
**_"Emmett breaks into a jig.. Then the can-can and somewhere along the way even though he's still in chains they started jiggling along too.. Then he made an Emmett cheer"_  
Emmett : OK. Give me an E !!!!!  
Alice : shut up Emmett  
Emmett : E  
Alice, Jane : E  
Emmett : Give me an M  
Alice, Jane : M  
Emmett : give me an M  
Alice : M  
Emmett : GIVE ME AN E  
Jane : E  
Emmett : AND A TT !!  
Alice : hahahahaha TT .. Titie hahaha  
Jane : TT  
Emmett : AND WHAT DO YOU GET ??  
Alice : A pile of muscle's ???  
Emmett : EMMETT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
_white he went…… SEE THROUGH"_  
Emmett : what you mean finish ??? Jane : you didn't let me finish  
**" _Emmett suddenly went pale"_**  
Jane : I'll go to Mickey's House to marry you if you let me do something to you Emmett  
Emmett : NOOOOOOOOO IVE HAD ENOUGH NO NO PISS OFF NOW NO FUKIN SEX I WILL NOT HAVE IT YOU LITTLE -----  
Alice : hear her out Emmett  
Emmett : I HAVE HAD ENOUGH ALICE NOOHOOOO  
Alice : EMMETT ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK LISTEN TO HER !!!!!!!!  
Emmett : I AM HAVING NO RELATIONS ! AND IN NO WAY AM I DOING WHAT IS IN HER MIND BURN ME BITCH I WILL NO WAY IMAGINE WHAT ROSA--  
Alice : Emmett !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shut the frick up !!!!  
Jane : Emmett I don't want that. I want to sqeeze your --  
Emmett : NOW THAT'S JUST DIRTY NOW THAT IS AND I THINK THAT --  
Jane : I want to sqeeze your biceps Emmett my love. Now pull up your sleeves and let me do it.  
" Kermit runs over"  
Kermit : WELL IF SHE CAN SO CAN I  
Emmett : sqeeze me and then we can go right ?  
Jane : right. Now u the sleeves  
Kermit : I havent been this ecicted since Marylin Monroe was born  
Jane : I haven't been this exicted since they created FROZEN CHEESE ….. That babies like me little orange sister !  
Alice : Emmett ?  
Emmett : DON'T TELL ME IVE TO MARRY SPONGE BOB !  
Alice : no. may I sqeeze too.  
Emmett : ALICE !! You may**.  
**_" OK after two long hours of sqeezing and ewwwwwwww's and ahhhhhh's. they all stopped"  
_Alice : Jane ???  
Jane : what ? !  
Alice : may I ask that I do not get burned like seen as I'm Emmett's favorite sister -  
Emmett : your not my favoite sister. Edward is hehe  
Alice : SHUT UP Edward is not gay -  
Kermit : wait Edward is gay ??? Is he on the market ?? Whats his favoirite colour is it green ?? PLEASE SAY GREEN !!  
Alice : no red any-  
Kermit : I SHALL DYE MY FLUFF RED  
Alice : yeah you go do that now and yes please save my life  
Jane : well that's up to my one and only  
" silence fell and Alice whispered to Emmett"  
Alice : THAT'S YOU DUMB ASS !  
Emmett : Ooh yeah.. Em I dunno all the same like if you kill her I surrpose jasper will -  
Alice : I can see your future and its not very bright !  
Emmett : Save her !  
Jane : Really ?  
Emmett : SAVE THE HELL OUT OF HER !  
Jane : ok . Emmett darling Mrs. Piggy has arranged a wedding in Mickey Mouses House and we shall be going there in 0.9 mins  
Emmett : have you not to like. Get all white and all ?  
Jane : no. ill marry you the way I am  
**" Emmett whispers to Alice"  
**Emmett : Alice ! If this doesn't work jesus help us.  
Alice : it will I saw it Rosalie comes in with Carlisle and his emm friends and we obbesly gets saved like duhh .  
Emmett : well don't get me on a roll just to break away the hill  
Alice : now I wouldn't roll you to kill you now would I ?  
Jane : ok lets go baby Mickey Mouse awaits  
Emmett : Yess. Ok.  
Alice : they will arrive in 12 mins Carlisle and everyone is only 12 mins away so just act in love till then ok ?  
Emmett : Sure, sure  
Jane: ready baby ?  
Emmett : SHUT UP YOU FOOL AND JUST PUT ME AND ALICE ON YOUR BACK AND LETS ROLL !  
Alice : EMMETT !  
**Emmett : Ooh I em. Love you.  
" Jane puts a still chained alice and Emmett on her back and sets off at full speed in Mickey Mouses House"**

**Part 9 : THE 2ND WEDDING.  
Intro : Ok people I am really counting the Intros 10 F*****G intros this is terrible ok as you might want to know this is the 2nd last chapter so where near the end folks. This is set in Mickey Mouse's House down the back were no one is since it's a bad day there is hardly any kids so just the Muppets, Kermit, Jane and a gay priest are down the back of the house.**

Priest : why hello there. As scared as I am to be taking out of my home by a green frog and threatened my gay ass to stay or die. Hello and welcome to the wedding. My name is Phil  
Jane : hello Phil now hurry up ..  
Emmett : NO SLOW DOWN !!  
Emmett : Alice how long till our em friends are coming ??  
Alice : 9 mins  
Phil : So Girls, boys and puppets I welcome you --  
Jane : GET ON WITH IT !!  
Phil : Ok hmm so anyone have a reason for these not to be married  
**" Emmett's lip quiverd"  
**Alice : " cough" Emmett No. "cough" 8 mintues "cough"  
Phil : Ok well dearly beloved  
Jane : PHIL IF YOU DON'T SKIP TO THE I DO BITS I SHALL BURN YOU TO SPARKES BITCH !  
Phil : JEEZ PUSHY PUSHY. Jane emm Volturi do you take Emmett Cullen To be your husband  
Jane : yes.  
Phil : In sickness and in health  
Jane : Yep  
Phil : you swear  
Jane : yes  
Phil : double swear  
Jane : yes yes  
Phil : Triple sw-  
Jane : SPARKES PHIL SPARKES !  
Phil : ok . Emmett Cullen do you take Jane Volturi to be your lawfully wedded wife  
Emmett : Emmmmmmmmmm.. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…… you see that's a trick question I look upon this as a em commitment factor and I don't think that --  
Phil : DO OR DON'T EMMETT DO OR DON'T ??  
Emmett : Emmm errrrrrrr.. May I use the bathroom  
Jane : your bladder is frozen you dweep now I do me before I blow everyone up  
Emmett : I, I DO !!!!  
Phil : well I now pronounce you Man and wife. You may kiss the bride  
Emmett : well we can wait for that  
**" Jane suddenly leaps at Emmett wraps her legs around him and kisses a cringing Emmett. AND AT THAT MOMMENT ROSALIE CARLISLE AND SESAME STREET WALK IN AND ROSASLIE SEE'S JANE AND EMMETT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGAIN PEOPLE SCARY MUSIC DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN"**

**So what will happen now ?? Will Rosalie kill jane ?? Will Jane kill Rosalie ?? Will Elmo kill Kermit ?? And now Emmett cant marry Rosalie because it would be bigamy.. And not big of you big of me !!..  
To be continued. See what happens in the 10th and final part of Rosalie Cullens Wedding. What really Happened !! **

**PART 10 : THE FINAL BATTLE (till bella comes along)  
Ok so we are back. Rosalie has just seen Emmett and Jane together. Edward is picking his nose. Phil is in shock. Kermit in love. And Jane smiling eviley at Rosalie. What happens now.**  
Emmett : Ooh ooh no no no !!! Rose this isn't what it looks like I'm, I mean she, I say that.. ALICE !!!!!!! ALICE DID THIS ALICE MADE THIS … JANE I NO I -  
Jane : shut up Emmett you love me I love you that is all that matters  
"Rosalie growls and snaps her teeth"  
Jane : growl all you want Emmett is MINE -  
Emmett : SHUT UP YOUR MAKING IT WORSE !  
Rosalie : no shes not making it worse… shes making it better easier.  
Emmett : easier how ??  
Rosalie : FOR ME TO BREAK UP WITH YOU.. HALE OUT !!  
"Rosalie vanishes out of sight"  
Phil to Edward : so you in a releshonship ??  
Edward to Phil : OOH KEEP THEM THOUGHTS TO YOURSELF !! YOU'RE A MAN OF THE BIBLE  
Phil to Edward : BUT THE DAZZLING !!  
Edward to Phil : do I em… dazzle you frequently ??  
Phil : frequently ?? HA yes .  
"Edward bites his lip"  
Edward : Interesting  
Emmett : sorry to interupt your ………….. GAY FEIST BUT IM MARRY TO A FIRE STARTING MIDGET !, MY LOVE OF MY LIFE OR WHATEVER HAS JUST RAN OFF !!!!!!!, ELMO AND KERMIT ARE KILLING EACH OTHER AND PHIL AND EDWARD ARE GETTING HAPPY .. VERY HAPPY !!! BUT A LITTLE HELP WOULD BE NICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
ALICE WHAT THE FRICK ?????? DID U FORSEE THIS BECAUSE IF YOU DID SO HELP ME GOD ILL STRAIGHTEN YOUR NOSE OUT !!!!!  
"alice stares in shock at Jasper with a shaved head"  
Jasper : im sorry Alice im sorry I lost control  
Alice : I can see my reflection. don't  
Jasper : THE RAZOR CALLED ME.. IT SET ME UP  
Alice : don't………..talk……..to……….me  
Jasper : please Alice don't do this  
Alice : I need . Time  
"_Alice curls up into the fetille position whispering.. Curly bob's come back my sweet sweet curly bobs"  
"mean while theres a slagging match going on between Elmo and Kermit"  
_Kermit : I no your voice is fake !!!!!! HELIUM HELIUM ! Balloon robber !  
Elmo : im fake OOH IM F*****G FAKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. Spray painted green  
Kermit : WE MADE MOVIES AND SONGS !  
Elmo : yes you did actually SHIT ONES  
Elmo : it burns my ears to hear them  
Kermit : Ok.. Lets hit it ..together again, were together again, I just cant imagine were we ever went wrong its not starting over  
Elmo : IT BURNS STOPP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Kermit Its not starting over just going on !!!!  
Elmo : arm wrestling ??  
Kermit : OOH ITS SOOO ON !!!!

Alice : sweet, sweet curly bobs !  
Phil : we could always get married  
Edward : true, true  
Esme : how come I never have a big part in these stories?  
Carlisle : your not important dear not Hsssh  
Esme : But --  
Carlisle : HSSSSSSH  
_"Emmett leaps from the house to follow Rosalie"  
_Emmett : ROSALIE !!! IM SO SO SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TOO, I I DIDN'T WANT TO !!!!!!!! IT WAS ALICE ALICE SAID THAT I COULD GET SAVED IF I MARRIED THAT GINGER MIDGET VAMPIRE ! ALICE  
_"Emmett grabs Rosalie, spins her around to find he'd been shouting a long haired blonde the whole time"_  
Long Haired Blonde : WHAT !!!  
Emmett : your not Rosalie ?  
Long Haired Blonde : YEAH ! CLEARLEY.  
Emmett : well have you seen a prettier long haired blonde walk or fly past here like 5 mins ago ?  
Long Haired Blonde : Yes ……………………. No wait that was my reflection  
Emmett : Ooh great Ann that's was a great help to me  
Long Haired Blonde : my names not Ann  
Emmett : THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK !  
Long Haired Blonde : Ooh shut up  
"_Emmett flies off to find that woman if you don't know her name by now shame on you. He's gone to find Rosalie"_

Emmett : where would she go..  
Farmer Willie : well something tells me not here  
Emmett: Farmer willie will you help me find my rose ?  
Farmer Willie : theres a flower shop down the street  
Emmett : NOT A ROSE .. My rose. Rosalie  
Farmer Willie : you know what would help  
Emmett : wait Farmer Willie when did you come into this story ??  
Farmer Willie : Ooh I was here the whole time I just was un-noticed  
Emmett : did you see Alice forcing me to marry Jane then ?  
Farmer Willie : Yes .. Emmett I was on the same chains as you but apparently because I'm a small midget I'm not allowed to have a line  
Emmett : you are 2 ft 1 now Willie excuse me, but my key chain is bigger then you  
Farmer Willie : Tut  
Emmett : well will you find Rosalie with me, and tell her everything  
Farmer Willie : On one condition  
Emmett : what  
Farmer Willie : I get to be your key chain  
Emmett : Yep………… fair enough, I guess  
Farmer Willie : well I heard the spike (Alice) saying that she was in some Roller coaster in this park  
"Emmett listen's closely"  
Emmett : I CAN HEAR HER SCREAM !! THIS WAY !  
"Farmer Willie and Emmett head off to the Roller Coaster to get Rosalie.. While running Willie asked a question"  
Farmer Willie : So what are we going to do when we find her  
Emmett : well grab her obisolly  
Willie (Ooh yes he's Willie now) : well that's not going to work  
Emmett : Why ?  
Willie : shell just run away DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
Emmett : I see .. Well I'll just put her in a black plastic bag  
Willie : that seems to be the answer to everything these days you know  
Emmett : Tis  
Willie : there she is now Emmett bag her and lets get Phil and were set to go  
Emmett : isn't that bigamy ?  
Willie : No its big of me  
Emmett : NO ! I have to divorce Jane 1st right ?  
Willie : just ask Phil he can work wonders  
Emmett : OK WISH ME LUCK  
Willie : luck wished !!!!!  
_"Emmett sets off in a big up.. Lands on the Coaster.. Grabs Rosalie .. Gets a kick no man wants to be kicked.. Bags her .. Throws her off and screams in pain"  
_Emmett : ***** son of a ********** and *** PAIN *****PAIN ***PAIN STOP IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWWWWWWW  
Willie : come on Emmett grab the bag/fiance and lets go get Phil  
_"They set off, go back to Mickey mouses house to meet the rest of the family."_  
Rosalie : LET ME OUT LET ME OUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IM GOING TO KILL YOU DEAD EMMETT.. FIRES…FIRES.. AND GUESS WHAT  
Emmett : what ?  
Rosalie : FIRES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Emmett : love you too  
Emmett : were's Phil ??  
Carlisle : emm in there  
"_Carlisle points to a door"  
_Carlisle : but I wouldn't go in there  
Emmett : why ?  
Carlisle : emmm him and Edward are getting to know each other.. If you know what I mean  
"_Emmett bangs on door"  
_Emmett : GET YOU CLOAK OR WHATEVER BACK ON ! I WANT A DIVORCE AND A MARRIGE PRONTO .. EDWARD LEAVE THE POOR PRIEST ALONE !  
Edward : maybe another time Phil.. Judging by Rosalie thoughts you'd wanna do it now before she gets matches  
Phil : ON MY WAY EMMEY  
Emmett : emmey ??  
Edward : he has nick names for everyone  
Emmett : really ?  
Phil : I wrote them down, look on the way  
"on the wall there was a small scribled list

The Cullens By Father Phil  
Edward : Eddie Baby  
Alice : Spike Of The Flick  
Emmett : Emmey  
Carlisle : smarlisle  
Jasper : Casper The Friendley Ghost  
Esme : Essey  
Rosalie : Pospapee  
Phil : Gill  
Phil and Edward forever

"Phil walks out of room"  
Phil : so one divorce and one marriage  
Emmett : yes . Wait wheres Jane ??  
Phil : she left out of embarrasment  
Emmett :Ok do your thing  
Phil : but I need Jane to agree  
"Emmett growls and stamps his feet"  
Emmett : IF I WAS A F*****N WOLFE I SWEAR PHASING !!  
Carlisle : you could never lower yourself to that.  
Emmett : what the F am I going to do now ?  
Jasper, Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Phil : Dunno  
Emmett : WOW GREAT HELP PEOPLE GREAT HELP !!  
_"Emmett death glares at Alice who is still in a corner whispering "curls..bobs..gone".."_  
Emmett to Alice : YOU GOT ME HEAR YOU GET ME OUT !  
Alice : curls.. Bob's -  
Emmett : IM SERIOUS FORSEE BITCH !!!  
Alice : curls .. Wait I have an idea  
Emmett : THANK GOD !! What ??  
Alice : I know where Jane is I'll get her and make it better  
"_Alice vanishes out of the room_"  
Emmett : WHAT !!!!! HOW DOES THAT HELP ??  
Phil : she might say yes, to divorce  
Emmett : Phil we have more chance of her marrying Elmo  
Phil : so who are you re-marrying ?  
Emmett : her  
Phil : that's a plastic bag my son  
Emmett : no inside the bag  
Phil : Ooh  
Rosalie : A LITTLE FYI I NEVER SAID YES  
Emmett : well you never said no so -  
Rosalie : On MY wedding day you marry someone else isn't that enough reason to say no. WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND WEDDINGS THINGS DON'T WORK OUT  
Emmett : I'm really sorry the only reason I married that little ginger midget is because Alice said I was going to get saved and she forced me into that kiss  
Rosalie : really ?  
Emmett : really  
Rosalie : really really ?  
Emmett : really really  
Emmett : Rosalie Hale. Will you marry me .. Again ?  
Rosalie : let me out of the bag and find out  
_"Emmett unties the bag and Rosalie stands in frount of him. All the cullens and Phil and farmer Willie AKA Emmetts key chain all waited.. Emmett goes on one knee_"  
Emmett : Rosalie Hale I promise when the midget comes back to divorce her and marry you.. Will you marry me ?? Again ??  
Rosalie : how about …………….. No  
Emmett : WHAT !!!  
Rosalie : nope  
Emmett : please  
Rosalie : no  
Emmett : pretty please ?  
Rosalie : no  
Emmett : ill buy you a mirror  
Rosalie : OK . YES !  
"_Rosalie jumps into Emmett's arms.. And then a weird looking jane comes through the doors.. Emmett gets on one knee in frount of Jane"  
_Emmett : Jane I don't even no you second name so im going to guess . Jane Jumbellia I hate you so much .. Will you divorce me .  
Jane : yes  
Emmett : well.. LETS GO !!!!!! PHIL DO YOUR THING  
Phil : ok just sign these papers and repeat after me  
Emmett, Jane : ok  
Phil : Emmett first. I Emmett Cullen  
Emmett : I Emmett Cullen  
Phil : divorce Jane Jumbellia for eternity  
Emmett : divorce Jane Jumbellia for eternity  
Phil : and sign  
Emmett : and sign  
Phil : no sign the papers  
Emmett : Ooh  
Phil : ok Jane's turn  
Jane : ok  
Phil : I Jane Jumbellia  
Jane : I Jane Jumbellia  
Phil : Divorce Emmett Cullen forever  
Jane : Divorce Emmett Cullen forever  
Phil : and sign this paper  
Jane : Done  
Phil : now you are separated  
Emmett : WOOHOO !!!!!!! Yes ooh yes no jane woohoo heho yes ooh yes  
Emmett : Rosalie get you here quick before I marry someone else  
Rosalie : im getting a mirror for this right ?  
_Emmett : Sure sure_

_ Rosalie and Emmett married that day after all the chaos and lived happily ever after… well for a while"_

" THE END !  
**P.S Phil and Edward had a four month releshonship but broke up when Phil bought a pet dog.. It also turns out that Alice killed Jane and pretended to be her by putting on a wig and that's why "jane" was so easy about the divorce it was really Alice.. Jasper bought a wig.. And Esme still has no part.. Kermit and Elmo got over there diffrences and are now married.. And everyone lived happily ever after …………………… till Bella came along.  
THE END OF THIS END **

**P.S please review/comment on what you thought of this story and would you like me to write more.. I'd really appericate that. THANKS !**

**THE END OF THE END OF THE END !!!**


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